First post please be kind…

[UkGamer]

Hey all… So this is my first post i guess i came hear for some other opions advice help support as i really dont know what to do… So me and my husband have been together for (removed by moderator) years this year i would say before my son came around it was ok ish however since my husband come along thinks are not been great at all and have been getting worse and worse.. I suffered post natel depression when my son was born and all though i managed to get trearment this ended up turning to depression later on i managed to pull through it.. I was working full part time and my husband full time so my son would go to the mother in laws whilst i work… (yes my work in a (removed by moderator) was very stressfull and a lot of time understaffed and underpaid) i was in and out of work having time off due to my depression and eventally made redundant due to closing the (removed by moderator) down.. At first i was happy because i was out of that stress and i can also spend more time with are son who has special needs… And my husband said i could stay at home as looking after are son as thats a full time job.. All was good for a maybe (removed by moderator)years then i really did miss working and having some sort of money for myself at this point i was only getting carers alowence child tax credits weekly wirh my husbands wage being too hight (not that high but iver the 16k they expect a couple to live off) i was not getting anythink from the husband or even my husnand giving me anythink for are son to care for him and look after him because he says thats what child tax credits are for.. It got worse and worse as little man went to school there was school dinners snack and his once a week after school club to pay for and still im also having to pay £200 a month towards bills as well as childcare costs.. Money was starting to run out and speaking to husband he said well u sould be able to eat for £10 a week (thats just me) thinks got worse agen when he started acting weierd and all though i was aaking for sex he excuse was ever im too tied stressed not in the mood you can see wete this is going.. So i found out he was micro cheating we are Christians and its agest are religion my turst went for him and all i could do is cry and cry.. When i confronted him he said it had been going on on and all all though are marrige and he had also been googling amd other women and also masterbating over porn and pictures what agen is agenst are christian belief i was i was so upset shocked angryband had no trust for him in fact that feeling has never gone away.. I asked him to leave bit he refused he stuck his angers in and blaimed me for all this actions yes i was angry upset and needing space but with no money and no were else to go was stuck 1 year maybe i could forgive but (removed by moderator) years on and off of ate marrige i have no confidence no self esteem and i get anxious everytime we have to go out exp together to the point i end up having a panic attack.. We tried councelling but my husband would never try the sujestions or even give time so i decided well if your not making any effort why should i.. To be fair this was the nail in the coffin i had lost my tust with him i ccant look at him and i dont even wont to have sex with him.. It just got worse and worse with his controlling behaviour iv ended up pritty much locked in the house doing all the household choirs cooking cleaning and looking after are son even when hes at home he dosent help as hes ever on his phone playing games playing the computer games or outside (removed by moderator).. Iv mention it so many times but he just huffs and puffs and starts shouting at me for saying somethink he has no respect for me or any women and dosent like being told what to do.. He dose what he wonts to do when he wonts to do it and dosent care about anone else except himself i could class him as a sexest old fashioned.. I have to ask him if i can go out anywete or even see anyone then it still lies on him if i can or cant do it.. For example i asked him if i could go night fishing for (removed by moderator)h as i had are son a lot over lockdowns and half terms as he was working full time however he was very much not happy for me to do it 1 because he would habe to look afzer are son on his own.. 2 it means hes actually got to do somethink then relying on others to do it all for you.. There was no compermise ever and refused to even take some time off work so i can get some me time.. I feel so stuck and walking on eggshells.. Now im a house wife slave his got me were he wonts me and thats to look aftwr are son 24/7 and if i dare ask to go out im stuck with a uncaring huaband with no sympathy and because he works full time school or mid week days are all off bounds because of school drop off pick ups.. Hes called me names like am i deff coz i coudnt hear somethink or stupid fat dumb idiot b***h u name it… I just don’t know what to dchild tax credits cut my money jue to my husband getting some money and he declared it to child tax credits they took (removed by moderator) and thats not inc this months my husnand said he would gibe me that back out of the (removed by moderator) he had but i only saw (removed by moderator) the rest of the money he spent on a (removed by moderator) he choice and himself.. I cant go on living this way

[Living Warrior]

Hi my lovely, firstly welcome to the forum, i am sure your will get the support and help you require.
Secondly, i am so sorry to hear you having to deal with all this. this must be very scary, and emotional time for you.

i agree with you, you cannot go on living this way, talking from past experience and having 2 children with “needs” myself. This type of behaviour strips you of your own identity, and you just exist you dont live!

this may all sound very scary and overpowering, but i would get intouch with some sort of Domestic Violence charity.
some are better than others, it depends where you live.
where i live womens aid have been amazing! and really helped me see sence, but i know other people have had better help from other charities. these people will be able to help with all sorts, from helping you get out, having a place to stay, advice with benefits and money etc.

i dont know the reason why you have posted, whether it was just for support and acknowlegement, or whether you want to support on leaving him… so i will not comment further, ( this is your first post and its scary enough)
but the women here will offer you a listening ear, whenever needed.
and if you are thinking of leaving then we can advise on how we go out, or where to go for help.

You are a brave women to post on here, so feel proud of that. (i apologise if i have this wrong) i do get the feeling you are wanting to leave but dont know how, or maybe you are in two minds… this is normal, talking it out on here does help you find clarity. if there is anything you want to know, or even if you just need to let it out, it is safe to do so here 🙂
good luck on your journey and stay intouch x*x

[Author]

Posts