First time posting, need advice

[Jasmine]

Hi, I was in an abusive relationship for (detail removed by moderator) years and got out (detail removed by moderator) years ago with my 3 children. I am struggling with a few things and don’t know how to handle it. He is back in my life as all 3 of my children have gone back to him. Not living with him. I will talk about that another time, right now it’s about my (detail removed by moderator) year old son who is emotionally and psychologically abusive to his girlfriend of (detail removed by moderator) years. My other son, his girlfriend and his dad want to go talk to her parents and all get together to discuss things with the girlfriend and without my son present. However I feel this is the wrong way to go. I have guilt that it’s learned behaviour from his father but I think it may be better to sit down with him first. Any advice would be gratefully received.

[Confused123]

HI hun

this is a scenario i dread i will have to face in the furture, i would personally if it was me in that boat would sit down with my son and his g f , i would tell my son his behaviour wrong and let his g f know that his behaviour is wrong and she has every right to walk away from the relationship if he does not behave and respect her. I wouldnt go and sit with the other family at moment , first approach your son and have him present infront of his girlfrienda nd let her know she has your support, then maybe your son shoudl address his issues and look into if he needs further support. When they show abujsive behaviout it deos have to be addresses, maybe next time sitting with his family maybe an option fro them to protect their child if your son still doesnt stop

[danicali]

very sad. the cycle of abuse. not your fault. your son is repeating your ex’s behaviour. and your ex’s behaviour was not your fault. this is exactly why family courts need to wake the (removed by moderator) and stop placing or pushing contact/residency with abusive men – they show absolutely zero foresight into what the kids might turn into if they are made to be around an abuser so much.

so, two parties are to blame here. your ex, and the system that excuses, supports and enables abusive men x

[KIP.]

Hey there, perhaps ring the helpline number on here. There maybe someone professional who can sit down with your son and his girlfriend. Someone impartial. It they both want to save the relationship then maybe suggest this. I know women’s aid offered to speak to my son. Unfortunately he has behaved like his father and I’ve had to distance my self from him. For my own sanity but the door is always open for him.

[Jasmine]

Thank you so much for all the responses, great advice which led me to I contact Respect and women’s aid for advice and then I sat down with him. He completely broke down and ashamed of his behaviour.He has decided to end the relationship as he sees she deserves to be treated properly and seek support to help him work through why he’s feeling the way he is. I have to have belief that he wants to address these issues. At least he is aware, that’s something right. Also, ipant I am so sorry you have had to distance yourself from your son, that must be so difficult but yeah, you have to look after yourself. It is so hard to find the cycle is repeating itself through your child.

[Confused123]

thats good hun that he ended relationship on own and taking responsinbility to deal with his actions and issues

[Anonymous]

Hi this is my first time posting,am away from it but was years in live in abusive relationship Struggling badly to survive need help to regain myself in (detail removed by moderator) feel like a lost scared child

[Anonymous]

Please can someone tell me how to survive when feeling so haunted by him

[Confused123]

hey hun

have posted on your post, its baout getting support to help u recover over trauma, call theh help line on this site and see if they cna guide u further, have a word with your gp too

[Author]

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