Found the courage – but he’s still here

[RedGiraffe]

Hi, I’m new here! Hope this makes sense!

So finally found the courage to split up with now ex who has emotionally abused me for years. Spoke to woman’s aid who confirmed I wasn’t crazy or just ‘over sensitive’ and it was psychological and emotional abuse! I should have followed my instincts years ago.

We have a child together as well. Anyway long story short – I’ve broken up with him which is what I had thought would be the hardest part! Not quite! Now he’s just here! He keeps saying he’s looking for a place (I don’t believe him), that he hasn’t got money for a deposit (again due to past lies about finance I don’t believe him) and feel this is a way of manipulating me to give him some of my savings (which I am seriously considering just to get him out)! However we private rent and I am trying to get it into my name and also I need to change my UC claim to single but as he’s under the same roof still I don’t know if this is possible and I need my entitlement on top of my wages to afford to keep this house (if the landlord even lets me).

I’ve told my parents now that we’ve split and I hoped this would help him see I was completely serious – however I didn’t tell them why! I feel embarrassed I guess! And don’t want to worry them as he’s still here!

I’m barely sleeping and I feel so stressed!

Woman’s aid have said I can apply for housing and I will be placed somewhere however I rely on my parents for childcare so I can work and if I’m placed somewhere far away I won’t be able to work or be near family (which I really do need right now).

If I phone UC and tell them my situation would they change my money even with him in the same household? I wish I could see someone face to face but COVID has made that impossible! I just want to know everything’s going to be alright and this is without even thinking about how I’m going to explain things to my child 🙁

[iliketea]

Hi yes definitely call UC straight away and tell them it’s domestic abuse, you’ve split up and he won’t leave. I am in the same situation and they did a new claim as a single person. Will write more later. Xx

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you, hope your okay – such a stressful time 🙁 I’m due to get my payment in a few days so I will call after (incase the change means I don’t get my money). I have a doctors appointment soon (unrelated) however do you think it’s worth mentioning what’s going on? I feel like I need someone I can physically talk to/confide in. I feel so lost.

[iliketea]

Yes, definitely speak to your GP. It all goes as evidence which will be useful if you need it at some point. Not necessarily in pressing criminal charges but the family court would need that, or an Occupation or Non Molestation order.. Ask for an urgent referral to your local domestic abuse service. I’m going to bump a post about how the police can help you too. It sounds like a non-molestation order would probably be your best route to have him removed from the house. So the police could remove him for a period of time 21 or 28 days under a DVPO domestic violence protection order. Not necessarily physical violence. Ill look and bump now.x

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you very much x

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