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My therapist reminded me that I am still very fragile. I think we are all fragile because of the abuse. I just want to remind all the ladies on this site to be very very kind to yourselves. Sometime we are our own worst enemies, expecting to recover quicker, or be able to do simple tasks when we are still traumatised. There is no shame in being fragile. Sending all you wonderful fragile ladies a big hug. Keep moving forward at your own pace ❤️ In the early days I couldn’t utter the word rape. 6 months it took for me to say it out loud. Recently I spoke in front of government ministers on the subject of the treatment of victims. If I can do it, you can all do it. You will get there in the end. Baby steps x
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‘It doesn’t matter how fast you go- as long as you are mainly moving in the right direction.’
This is what I tell myself when I feel my energy expiring and my anxiety rising.
By reminding myself of the above, Ivecmsbagrd to keep a better equilibrium and to have less highs and lows.
We need to treat ourselves with kid gloves in many ways still. In fact, why should it ever end?!
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I really struggle, with the terms rape, domestic abuse, victim etc. You are very brave, well done to you for getting yourself to the place you are in now. You, and others on here, give me something to hold onto, when all around me seems completely hopeless. We probably all need reminding to be kind ourselves at times x
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Wonderful! You are such an inspiration for us all!
After I fled it was victim support who involved the police when I started to open up what he had done to me and the Sapphire team was quick to respond. But after that I had no more support. Since then I shout in everyone’s face that I was raped. I ask professionals who are too stupid to understand whether they have been raped themselves and whether they know the feeling. I say awful things, because I am so angry. And I get worse with what I say. The lesser and unhelpful the support the worse I get.
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You are so right KIP, self-compassion is crucial to the recovery process and we must not rush healing or we set ourselves back. Don’t you think though we are all an interesting mix of extreme strength and fragility? After surviving all we have we have a core strength that keeps going no matter what. You have certainly proved that.
The word rape is so taboo in our society and yet it’s happening constantly all around us. Basically men aren’t allowing us to own the term, preferring to neatly package it into male banter and macho images, but we need to claim it to clearly describe our experiences. It’s no wonder we didn’t realise it was happening day after day in our own marriages and relationships and no wonder many still don’t. I still find myself hesitating to use the term to describe him. It’s like I think I’m using a terrible insult (which is what he told me) when actually it’s just a fact. -
You are all so inspirational! You make me feel like I can carry on even when he’s really being tricky and nasty.
I just got Lundy Bancroft’s Daily Wisdom for Why Does he do That? on my secret Kindle amazon account. I got the free sample but it’s so good I bought it. I just read ‘You deserve to be seen and treasured for who you are’. It made me cry, that the person who is supposed to be ‘my other half’, ‘my soulmate’, ‘my best friend’ etc etc despises me so much.
I’m going to make it a daily mantra, ‘I deserve to be seen and treasured for who I am’!!
Mimosa
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