Friends not getting it

[Plodding]

Hi
I have a good friend who has know my h for longer than me and she doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from on much of the issues I’m having. I can understand to a certain extent as she doesn’t see what I experience as it’s often subtle and he is in best behaviour in public or even during his making jokes about me I think she sees it as banter and “we all do it ‘ . I find it so hard like I’m trying hard to convince her to believe me when Iv had a massage job trying to convince myself that my h is emotionally abusive /n*******c. She can’t see how my h can be given a label almost like a “diagnosis without being seen by anyone “, Iv tried to explain Iv spoken to women’s aid about how he makes me feel snd his behaviours are classic of this type of person . I’m feeling she thinks Iv had words put into my mouth or something . Anyone else have friend issues ? Thanks

[Grey Rock]

Hi. Sorry you’re experiencing this.
I found that a lot of people don’t get it. It’s uncomfortable information so maybe they don’t want y to get it. They just want to there to be a nice happy easy solution. The friend who told me that if I just called him and gave him a chance to explain we could sort things out like grown ups made my blood boil the most. I blocked them for a while. These people can do a lot of damage despite having good intentions. In the end I spoke openly to only a handful of people. The ones who I trusted and who didn’t minimise issues and invalidate me. I didn’t fall out with anyone. Just had a good hard look at my circle of trust.

GR

[Eggshells]

Hi Plodding

It can be almost impossible for friends to see it, even if you show them evidence, some of them still don’t accept it.

I think that the only ones who will ever really get it are the ones who have been in an abusive relationship themselves.

Please be careful about what you say to this lady, she may be reporting it back to your h and that will only make things worse. He’ll turn on the charm more than ever in public – to prove you wrong – and punish you even more behind the scenes.

There is still a pervading attitude that abuse is about physical violence and unfortunately, that image is still perpetuated by pop media. It makes it very hard for survivors to get their voices heard.

[Plodding]

Thanks eggshells and GR. I had sleepless nights over the weekend due to blood boiling comments and suggestions . Your advice has helped x

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