Gaslighting

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

Hey, I’ve not been on here for a while, I got back with the ex and thought maybe things would get better, if anything it’s at it’s worst, the sheer lack of respect has got worse, he’s gaslighting me any opportunity he gets, the games are at the worst, he’s actively planting seeds of doubt about women in my head, saying he hasn’t got time for a crazy gf like me, but has time for normal women, telling me he’s out (detail removed by Moderator) and it’s (detail removed by Moderator) his words not mine, to find him at home and was lying about being out in the first place, telling me he’s busy getting busy and I’m welcome to watch him, again more doubts to make me paranoid, the lack of respect and level of things he’s said since we got back together are horrendous, if I call him out he goes back to ignoring or blocking me, I’m currently blocked again he’s told me to get out his life as I questioned him and a lie he told, again I’m depressing and such a negative person, I feel so poorly with my mental health massively declining again. I hate this feeling of craving I get when we’re not talking, it’s very much like a drug addiction, I know I don’t want him but I can’t help going back, so pathetic I feel, trauma bonding has a massive hold on me, I can’t seem to break it. Has anyone left and got past this feeling?

[Cedarlemon]

Hi
Firstly may I say you are certainly not pathetic for going back to him.. I have done it numerous times and as you said it got worse every time.. He even said to me ‘you must be mad to keep coming back to me’ but at the same time hounded me until I did.. I studied trauma bonding and gaslighting and all of it made sense , as you said it’s an addiction.. unfortunately when we go back we feel negative and depressed while they are doing exactly what they want, your example about what he said about women (detail removed by Moderator) shows a total lack of respect for you and them… They love mind games that’s why he’s ignoring you and blocked you until he decides to talk to you again.. it’s like a vicious circle but one day you will break free and the relief you feel will feel like nothing else.. Take care of yourself X

[Reallyconfused]

I understand. We often have such a low expectation of what we deserve and are worth. I’ve been there – am there. He would promise the works when I would leave. Hen the moment I would return he was the same abusive person that j had left. In fact, he was worse. They know – they really know us and are inwardly smiling at us.
It’s like a cat playing with a mouse because they rely on our healthy view of a relationship.
If it doesn’t feel good – it’s not.
If clothing doesn’t make you happy would you keep wearing it ?
I’m still in the trap but understand him so much better and now know what i am really dealing with. I never used to.
I am making plans. Trauma bonding is so so powerful.
Keep posting and sharing. We are all here for each other. Stay strong.

[Mellow]

The disrespect is clear and your defo trauma bonded I left and still find im being whaled back in once you leave and go back they are worse I hate to say this but he won’t change you need to make plans to leave again

[Author]

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