Gaslighting myself

[TaylorsVersion]

Hi all,

Having one of those moments where I’m gaslighting myself, thinking was this even abusive, am I exaggerating or misremembering and it wasn’t that bad, all that rubbish. The abuse in my relationship goes in cycles, it will calm down for a while before it picks up again. External stress is usually the trigger. The last 18 months or so haven’t exactly been good, but they’re not actively abusive either. But there was a long period before that (I’m talking years) where I just felt so ground down by constant criticism, dismissive or patronising comments and constant conflict where I just got completely steamrolled by the anger. Is this normal? Maybe we’re past it and I’m clinging to the past too much. Beating myself up this morning but I wanted to share with other folks who would understand

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Nobody can tell you how to feel about your own relationship, but often abuse does go in cycles. Sometimes things seem good for a while, even quite a long while.

Is it because the abuse was in the past? or is it because we’ve changed and adapted to keep the peace, or adapted so we do what they want, or keep quiet and not express our thoughts and feelings or are we too scared to really laugh or really cry or really be our true selves.
Or is it just that they’re getting what they want and nothing is being asked of them.
I know the truth for me was that I was just glossing over the real damage my relationship was doing to me.

[Cherries]

I can only echo what serpents has said.

It wasn’t that they became non abusive. It was that I shrank even more. The scope for me having an opinion got less and less over the years

It always went in cycles for me too…more noticeably with my first husband who was violent. Boom explode. Silence. Apology phase. Super good husband. That would start to drift. Then the snarky comments would start then it would build and boom. Violence…rinse and repeat.

 

With my last relationship that was more about guilt/blame shift/covert stuff, I often felt like I was the one who went boom. Not violently. But Id stuff it all down so as not to trigger him guiltripping me or it all being my fault and then it would get too much to hold in. Still cyclical but in a very different way.

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