Getting closer to the exit …

[nevertoolate]

We have finally agreed a day that I can move the rest of my stuff out and take the kids to my new house. He’s suggested a day when he will away at work and yet I still feel anxious? His moods have changed from trying to be nice to me to telling me I can’t take anything out of the house- not even the kids school uniform? When I told him that was unreasonable and I am trying to only take the minimum, he denied he even said that? Is this all part of the mind gamws?
Also, he still seems to think our relationship will be saved if I can just get over the past and deal with my issues! So I’m just supposed to forget about the times he has emotionally bullied me, am I? Even when I told him face to face that he scares me mentally, he doesn’t question his behaviour? He just starts talking about my unreasonable behaviour as moving out obviously looks unreasonable and says that ‘we’ need to do something to to resolve my issues with feeling emotionally unsafe in the relationship. Sorry if this sounds totally incoherent but why does he never acknowledge his own behaviour? Grrrr

[KIP.]

He will never admit his guilt. Why should he carry the guilt when you can. I would make sure You have someone with you when you go to get the stuff or do it the day before when he’s at work. Mind games galore. He will lie, manipulate, bully, deny. Make you feel like you’re going crazy. All part of abuser behaviour. Moving out is not unreasonable. It’s the adult thing to do and if he cared then he would move out and leave you with the house n kids X

[KIP.]

Something else I noticed that you say we have finally agreed a date. It is not upto him to agree when you want to remove your own belongings. Don’t forget you are your own person. You don’t need his permission for anything X

[nevertoolate]

Thanks KIP, you are the voice of reason as always. I know he is being spiteful and unreasonable but the ‘nice’ moments confuse me. I will follow your advice and make sure I have someone with me, though I think it’s best I go when I know he’s out. I just feel like I have to agree to all his suggestions (sorry demands) to make sure I can take the kids with me even though I know he’s being unreasonable. I’ve been a quivering wreck all day with him in the house and it’s messing with my ability to think straight.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Will he definitely be away in that date? He wouldn’t cancel plans just to scupper your day would he?

Can you start sneaking things out beforehand? Sorry but these guys lie to us about everything so i worry!!

Ultimately it is up to you when you go.

[nevertoolate]

I was thinking the same but yes he definitely has gone for the day. He’s already noticed the things I’ve taken out of the house so that is forcing me to go as soon as possible.

[Confused123]

HI HUn

Just start pre packing and moving things as and when you can, his clearly still playiong an emotional game, u cant take the kids uniform , who does he think he is? is he planning on wearing the uniform? Again just trying to stress u out unecessary, you go hun when u can shift all your stuff, ideally yes when he is not around. Its always us that has the issues not them so they say

[jsscollie]

The blame and lack of acceptance sounds so familiar now. ‘You drove me to it’, ‘you aren’t listening to me’, ‘you can make this stop’, ‘nobody will believe you’. And that sinking feeling in the top of your stomach when you don’t back down. You can do this. Big hugs x

[Author]

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