Getting smarter at this

[Velveteenbun]

When we first split up and for a long time after he would harrass me with texts. I mean if I didn’t reply I would be greeted with a tide of messages.
This time round that seems to have changed. He replies to every message I send and the messages themselves are loaded with abusive tactics but he isn’t inndundating me with them.
I feel like this should make me feel less threatened and less on edge but in actual fact I feel more so. Almost like I am waiting for something. That this change is not down to him changing his behaviour because he feels it is wrong. I feel more like its because he feels like he is in control and has more control than he did back then. Like he can get what he wants. Maybe if he feels threatened his behaviour will revert but I think he has got smarter and is aware if he harrasess me it is going to count against him. Its this fact that he is getting smarter and refining his behaviour that is scaring me. He has made me believe he will commit suicide countless times in the past to get what he wants so I know there is nothing he won’t do.

[Healthyarchive]

Hi there, I would advise you to stay on your guard and pay attention to your gut feeling. If you feel something is not right it probably isn;t. Its hard to put your finger on what is actually not right, but you just know that something is amiss. There is loads & loads of reading & websites & internet info on all of these tactics. I split months ago, I felt that my ex took the control and maintained this post split, despite us having full NC on both sides. I did not have a normal split rather I felt heartbroken and controlled, although I ended it & was happy and sure to do that. I still have trauma now. It is almost as if he had a mental game plan to destroy me and stay on top but this was invisible to me. Maintaining full no contact is crucial. If you have to have contact due to children arrangements etc then it is Grey Rock. X*X

[Grenache]

I think you should trust your intuition. If you have never read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker, read it if you can. I found it really useful.

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