Going no contact

[Jllb]

Hi, I’m on my (detail removed by Moderator) of no contact, my counsellor told me it’s the only way and if I take him back again then she is worried for me. It’s been (detail removed by Moderator), I had the love bombing (told me he loved me after a week), discard, trauma bond, physical, mental, sexual abuse, cohesive control. (detail removed by Moderator) I have known since day one he was up to things behind my back, he made me feel like I was jealous and going mad. I am
doing well on (detail removed by Moderator), have joined a gym, treated myself to a bike and some new clothes, I am aware it’s early days but I know self care and time is the only way to go now. I want to use this forum to rant and to make sense of the battle going on in my head. I hope that I can get some advice and also talk to others about my situation, after everything I feel like maybe I imagined the fact that he’s abused me because he acts like such a nice guy. Also, I have a question, if a woman says no to sex and the man proceeds to climb on top and start having sex and then asks a few minutes in if the woman wants him to stop, and she says no carry on, what is that? Because I felt the emotional connection by the time we were a few minutes in, (this was not a one off occurrence).
Thank you

[Put the kettle on]

Hi jllb,
I could have written something very similar to your post, I’m currently attempting no contact too. It’s do hard though.
I too was told after (detail removed by Moderator) that he loved me and was love bombed, I fell for it all. Then another woman came on the scene and I was/am made to look jealous and paranoid, that it’s all in my mind. I find myself questioning if I am/did imagine things! I don’t think we did imagine things, it’s part of their crazy making.
They usually seem to be nice guys, otherwise we’d run a mile straight away.
If you said no at any point and he continues that is rape

[longjourneylife]

Hi Jllb, you sound like me, unfortunately it’s non consensual, but they wrangle us into everything they want. It’s a harsh realisation, but never blame yourself. Seek councilling for specific experiences and keep sharing. It’s amazing once you start letting it out. Sadly society itself has taught us to put up with a lot or normalise awful behaviours. Now, sites like this are helping us to connect and stand up and say No, this treatment isn’t and hasn’t been right, ever. It has to stop and is illegal! Report what you can and get out when you feel strong enough, and when you think you might falter, never blame yourself, accept help and keep moving forward. It’ll be up and down, but slowly gets better…Hugs

[Lisa]

Hi Jllb,

It’s nice to read that you’re doing well with going no contact and are finding positive things to put in place for yourself, like the gym.

Just to echo what Put the kettle on and Longjourneylife have said, it’s never okay for someone to start having sex with you if you’ve said no. It doesn’t matter if a few minutes on you decide it’s okay, your original no should have been respected. It’s an area of abuse that can bring up a lot of confusing emotions, so you might like to get some specialist support.

Rape Crisis offer support to anyone who has experienced any kind of sexual violence or abuse, which would include what you’ve described. They have a national helpline, 0808 802 9999, open between 8am and 12am (midnight) every day, as well as a Live Chat service through their website.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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