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Im sitting at my desk and my heart just fell into my stomach! its announced over the news that the ministry of justice is looking at garndparents rights especially on the paternal side. I really hope that they consider abusive men use triangulation (I feel a lot) in getting what they want – this would mean unfit fathers get to see the kids through their own parents. I really hope they look into this thoroughly and look at DV before they pass on this legislation. Im sure there are some great grand parents out there but in DV these people instilled the belief systems into violent and abusive men xx their sons! its scarey xx
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Hello DIY mum,
Had a little look and a google after seeing this post.
I’m trying not to get alarmed, as I feel some of the coverage may be sensationalist.It may well be a lot of noise about nothing, I feel. As not least in practical terms there child arrangments orders etc are so complicated to do and get through in the courts anyway.
Trying to think clearly on this one – even if grandparents applied for contact order – no guarantee it would be granted (though I’ve heard of ones who have). Also their own contact order should not contravene anything else that is in place for the male parent. i.e. if they are not allowed to see the kids or have their own contact order.
Practically I can’t see it working even without abuse. It is so diffiuclt for a single parent often to survive, let alone thrive and everyday circumstances have to be taken into account.
For example, imagine single mum trying to manage school/home/contact with ex partner and then on top of that dealing with contact order with grandparents. I’m afraid personally I would give up at that point…
Anyone disagree or have further insights? When it comes down to it this is an important thread and we need to be prepared for any funny business…on the part of those applying for contact who don’t have the child’s intersts at heart..
all best
ftc
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Feel all I can add is that our mps need to know more of the dynamics involved and as we’re the only ones to educate them on them, we have to write to them explaining why in theory of course grandparents have rights but that there have to be allowances and stipulations added into the act now and also be able to add to in the future when more is learned of the types of abuse used in families not just by the parent but by their parents uncles aunts cousins etc. We need to educate them on all the terminology used, I was only joking, flying monkeys, gaslighting, taking it to seriously etc.
Times are changing, let those changes make a difference to future generations.
IWMB 💕💕 -
Here we are: im all for lovely grandparents seeing our children but using words like ‘hostility between parents’ no how about a power struggle?? thanks for the comments ladies im going to put pen to paper tonight and write to the MP. This may never happen as far as the courts are concerned – but maybe practice direction 12j might be something that they should look at also. I do realise we are dealing with the later of the generations but still this does scare me – my exs mother was the worst bully of them all xx luv diymum
Lost touch with grandchildren
Losing contact with a grandchild can be extremely painful and distressing, and can happen for a number of reasons. When conflict takes place and relationships break down it’s important from the child’s point of view that their relationships with adults are maintained.
Most families manage this informally, but especially in cases of divorce or separation when there’s hostility between parents, contact can be difficult and may spill over into other relationships. In those circumstances, the parent who has the day-to-day care of the child might refuse to let the child have contact with the grandparents.
Find out what you can do, see our list of lawyers in (detail removed by moderator)Â who may be able to help you, or see if there’s a support group local to you.
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I decided to call them and the girl I spoke to was so helpful (she was about to start work with womens aid!) she has asked that I email them and explain he dynamics of DV and also triangulations – she agreed that it should be taken into consideration – she also agreed that the high levels of DV will inevitably come in to this area and that we women have to stick together. I feel a little better – the list on there web site had every single family lawyer on it over just about all of England! xx diy mum
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