Grieving the memories …

[Phenomenon]

I think there must be something wrong with me. it’s been just over (detail removed by Moderator) now and I can slowly feel some kind of freedom. with that freedom comes panic, fear and grief. I am grieving this toxic relationship I once had. I have such a supportive family and lots of supportive friends to help me through this difficult time.
But, truth is, I miss this person and I miss our little family. I miss the person I fell in love with even though they never really existed and it was all a mask. I miss the good times. The journey. What is wrong with me? Its exhausting to feel this way and Im starting to think I’m going slightly bonkers. Is this part of the healing process? What is happening here?

Stay safe to all of you

Kindest regards

Phenomenon xx

[Texas]

Hi Phenomenon

You are not going crazy, this is perfectly normal. Reconciling the nice person and the nasty person was something I really struggled with. You so want the nice person to be the reality, and even now I cannot quite believe there are people out there who can be that mean and nasty. But that is who they are. It’s not our fault and there is nothing we can do to fix them, as that is how they choose to behave. You are also breaking the trauma bond, which is compared to drug withdrawal as that is what it is, but this is the chemicals in the brain we are talking about.

Have some grounding exercises ready in case your mind starts to think about what could have been. They will bring you back to the present. The present moment is the reality, and he is no where to be seen…which is good in the long run despite how much you miss him. Ask yourself – could you honestly trust him again?

Big hugs and be strong x

[Sad and alone]

There’s nothing wrong with you at all. I miss what I thought I had too. Or what I wanted and never had. And I’m still in my relationship. No matter what stage you’re at, in or out, you’ll miss the idea of the relationship you imagine you had. But whether it was real at some point or not it’s not now, and that’s what you need to focus on. Move forward. The past is the past, the future is whatever you choose it to be xx

[Bulbssprouting]

I’m there with you on the feelings. One thing that has helped me in the last few days was reading about the trauma bond. I’d not heard about it before but it makes a load of sense, and putting a label on my feelings has been really helpful. I’m planning to talk with my therapist about this and am gathering information. Stay strong, but also give yourself permission to grieve and cry that is normal too. Hugs

[Author]

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