Guilt

[Wanttoleave]

So I am sat considering leaving and because he has been better lately I am feeling guilty.

Guilt at considering walking out with our pet that he adores and after so many years . So much history.

I dont know how to overcome that.

That he could arrive home to me being gone , to never hug him again.

I genuinely love his company I get lonely not many friends any more but I hate the abuse and lack of control in my life.

I know il miss having someone there but he won’t let me progress in life he tries to sabotage a lot also the put downs.

Worries about what his family will think of me if I leave 🙁 how do I conquer the guilt?

[KIP.]

Abusers keep us in a FOG of abuse. Fear Obligation and Guilt. Guilt is a tool they use to control us. Guilt is another form of abuse perpetrated by him. It’s coercive control. Write a journal of all the abuse. And remember if you carry the guilt then he won’t have to. Abuse comes in a cycle so there’s a guarantee he will abuse you again. I would say to draw a line and the next time he crosses it you tell yourself you will leave but you have to be ready to leave in your own mind.

[Wanttoleave]

Thank you , logically I know it makes sense but my heart is struggling and sense of guilt is stopping me.

Thanks

[nbumblebee]

Guilt is what has kept me here for over (detail removed by moderator).
Its a tough one to crack sweetie it really is.
I have no idea how we can crack it no idea at all. Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
Sending hugs and hope you find a way xx

[Wanttoleave]

Thank you for the support

[Hereforhelp]

Hey wantstoleave, there’s never a right time to leave in my opinion. When they start the being nice cycle it is hard as you can feel like you will really hurt/upset them. If you leave when he is being obviously abusive it can be frightening…

The way I looked at it with ny abusive husband in the end was get him out when he was ‘calmer’ …. I didn’t think I could’ve coped with the guilt at that stage if I had to ring police to get him out (I wish I had now in hindsight)… these men do not feel, care in the same way how non abusive people would behave. He will sense if you feel guilty and use it to his advantage to keep himself there with you. KIP is right, Google cycle le of abuse and coming out of the FOG. Once that fog clears it gets easier. Also, have you googled trauma bonds?
Take each day slowly, write down abusive episodes if you can, if you feel too worried/afraid you could maybe speak with a female GP?

Big hugs ❤

[Wanttoleave]

Thank you so much, he is currently under going tests for a severe illness.
I hope he is ok obviously but wow that will be more guilt as well , obviously I don’t wish I’ll health on anyone

[Author]

Posts