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I know it is toxic and abusive, I m not happy, I dont recall the last time I really was feeling happy or free in years..
I m making escape plan, yet I feel guilty, lying and betraying.
Thinking how he will feel to return to an empty home.
As his finances are worse than mines I was thinking of leaving some money.
Because of how much sorrow and guilt I feel (when tried to leave in the past he said if I do I will destroy his life in many ways in my decision as this will affect him in multiple ways too) I was thinking of leaving a letter to try and explain how sorry n unhappy I was and that I wish nothing but the best of him but we cannot work.
Anyone has any advice?
Feeling so sad, guilty and a liar after emotional abuse, control, blackmailing… any words of wisdom
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What you are going through is normal. Its horrible. But its normal.
I felt the same. I still feel guilty for leaving like that.
But there is no way to make this OK.
I had to remember that I wasn’t breaking his heart. I was denting his ego. His pride. His sense of control. He says I broke his heart but you dont treat people you love, like that.
He had no qualms about destroying my life and when challenged about it plays the victim.
In this situation its their need for control vs your happiness…and being controlled wrecks lives. Its soul destroying.
Just remember whilst you fmgo through these difficult experiences that you are doing them for a reason. He gave you plenty.
Remember also that being unhappy is a good enough reason to end a relationship ….and they gave us our fair share of unhappiness.
You dont have to sneak out of healthy relationships because you’re scared of the consequences.
I left mine a letter. Despite me explaining till im blue in the face for years already. I thought it was for him but on reflection really it was to make me feel better. It didn’t and he picked it apart and used it as a weapon…just like when we were together.
I also left a lot of stuff so he didn’t have to do without. He’s better off than me. He hasn’t bothered to thank me for it only tried to get me to go collect it.
Was it naff thst he returned to an empty home. Undoubtedly. But you know, he earned it. And since he keeps coming at me in the same way via text now I’ve got to say difficulty aside I know I made the right decision in the end. The discomfort was worth the chance at a better life and nothing you say to him will change anything. They hear only what they want to hear x
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I haven’t blocked his number yet. I am getting close to doing so. Mine wasn’t violent though. Controlling but guilt trip mr nice guy type mostly. Odd incident of aggression. Very persistent though. He absolutely does not have my address.
I dont answer calls on my phone though. I have a spyhole in my door. My workplace have a strategy. The one friend who does know my location has my back.
It is scary. Very. But so is staying there with them. The anxiety that goes with being with them is 24/7 alert and stress. Even the non violent type.
Being out from it? You have a chance to relax. It gets easier. Im really tired currently because Im finally relaxing and now exhaustion is kicking in. I can breathe again. Its not perfect. My emotions are all over the place. But at least I can breathe x
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I m so happy for you.
Apologies for asking all the questions.
Did you block them on social media?
Have he tried to approach ppl you know to try n find you? One time i tried to leave he did in my case.
If you got any experience on leaving in the middle of a private joint tenancy please let me know about this.
Thank you so much, its encouraging to hear there is light on the other side.
I know its not a path of rose petals and glitter, trying to remind myself how strong we are all the time.
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We are strong 🙂 way stronger than them!
He approached my friend but didn’t ask directly. Just mysteriously got in touch to ask how they were the day I left. Odd conversation. He’s very…subtle and manipulative. He tried to get one of my adult children onside. Failed obviously but my child was amazed at what he wrote and was surprised that Id lived with that level of control for so long. It was clear to him so he shot himself in the foot there. My child initially felt a bit bad for him. Now he really doesn’t.
I didn’t block him on social media. I deactivated my accounts.
No joint tenancy Im afraid. He was a homeowner . You need to have a word with your landlord, explain the situation x
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Its sn estate agent, they haven’t been the most reliable so I dont trust them, thinking maybe might be better if I speak to them after leaving.
I m tearful all day and the guilt is growing the more he treats me well, very similar there on the “mr nice” and the control.
Will I be an absolute victim if I leave some money behind? I mean none of our finances are good but he got no savings at all and will just be left with the house things and a vehicle, I have a small amount of savings and the guilt pushes me to think I should. Would it be passive aggressive? I m thinking way too much…
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Realise that the treating you well part is an act…designed to do exactly what it IS doing. Keeping you in line. The real mr will step forward soon enough. Abuse goes in cycles mostly.
Regarding the money? Its up to you. I left stuff rather than money. It might have helped a bit with my conscience but really here you have to make the decision you are happy with.
On paper he doesn’t deserve it but these things are not so clear cut. If it helps clear your conscience then by all means leave him some.
I really doubt he would do the same though. Suckers aren’t we 😆
Indeed an ex of mine cleared my bank account AND left the direct debit for his child support for me to pay. Entitled SOAB.
But I get it. And if it helps take some bad feeling away then you are absolutely free to do that. It matters more what you think of yourself than others opinions here x
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