- This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Yesterday after day before him ranting , he cuddled up to me and I pulled away. He said why I am like this and I said you haven’t even apologised for yesterday . He said he didn’t do anything! He feels as if no one cares about him and we all think we are too good for him . When he’s like this he looks like a lost confused boy and then I doubt myself and want to help him again
This pattern goes on and on – what’s wrong with me ??
I tried to call the women’s aid helpline for help leaving and now I want to help him and feel guilty -
-
Also he came home from work and told me one of the young girls had been confiding in him at work saying her dad shouts at her and her sister all the time and is ocd . I asked him if he’d said he was ocd and he said ‘of course not but I know I can be like that and it makes me feel bad’ . I said you why do you do it then and he said ‘no one listens or respects me’
That’s the first time he’s admitted it in (detail removed by Moderator) years . Does this mean he can be helped ? -
Mine used to blame me too – he had been working away for a few months and when he returned he didn’t have a “place”. A load of b*llocks! He had a place – just not the one he wanted! He wanted to be king of the castle (never mind I own the castle!) we wanted him to be a part of the family – not ruler of the kingdom.
Basically – it was just an excuse to blame me for his outbursts and the resentment he showed me and his controlling ways. What about before he was working away – he was still domineering then too!
Can your guy be helped? It’s one thing acknowledging he has a problem – and that’s a good thing. But what is he doing to address the problem? Does he understand the significance and impact or is he going to minimise it “oh at least I’m not as bad as x – they have a real problem, I don’t”
Proof of the pudding is in the eating – there is only hope if he is taking action to address the problem. Simply accepting there is a problem isn’t enough. X -
If it took him (removed by moderator) years to admit to a wrong doing i wouldn’t hold my breath on him changing. Admitting to something doesn’t assume he is willing to change. He will not, his ways worked perfectly well for that long so why should he put in the efforts now?
Better to redirect your focus on yourself, on being safe and free. You’ve got more chances of achieving that than he ever will on changing his ways.
Be safe -
Headspinning yes ‘King of the Castle’ is a good way to describe it . Own seat no one allows to sit in, visitors not allowed without major tantrums. We own the house equal and have joint account but due to his erratic job history I am still he main bill payer xx
I think deep down I know this is Will never change but part of me still hangs on to that hope xx -
-
Hope for what? Based on….? Unrealistic expectations produce their results. It’s like staring at an alligator and hoping it will turn into a bunny rabbit. It won’t. It’s an alligator. It also puts the focus of what needs to change here on “them” and takes it off of us – having that responsibility to change and take things into our own hands regarding our own wellbeing. It’s avoidance. He is who he is. I doubt that will ever change. You on the other hand can change your circumstances. You just have to put your willpower towards that instead of towards investing it in magical thinking.
-
Thank you Braelyn, you have a way with words . Deep down I know he’s not a bunny rabbit for sure and I need to get stronger xx
-
I met my husband and cared too much! He had been a victim of his mother and fathers violent abuse for years and years! I thought stupidly, I could love him better? I ended up being his victim! Abused men need so much loving! Can’t love back! You end up destroying yourself and your children maybe? if you stay in it! 💞
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
