Had enough

[Helphelphelp]

I’ve had enough of doing what I do feeling as I feel and coping as I do. Not very well. Waiting for help from Counciling place for months n months, no where cares I’m driving myself mad with this. Don’t drink or take drugs n wishing I did because I can’t bare being in my head 24/7 and alone. Don’t want people judging me. Don’t want to be alone, not happy when I’m with people because I have a one track mind set on him. He talks to me I eat he doesn’t I don’t. Teeth wobbling where I’m grinding them in my sleep. Not doing a thing but in bed. And he is getting me at it where I am an utter idiot to myself respect but still believing he loves me!!! I feel like I’m mental. No matter what I do I’m going to suffer on my own. Totally had enough n hate myself for allowing it. But can not cope with the loss, what sort of person can’t do as she knows needs doing, and who lets herself be treated with 0 respect but still loves. What do I have to offer anyone even if I wanted anyone else. And I completely sound like a poor victim that he says I am. I’m sorry this is such a whinge but I do not know where to turn anymore, everyone’s worn out by it and I get that but I’m nearly done with how worn out I am. He messaged me after blocking me last week saying he was ending it all, I was beside myself. Did not sleep could go to him because he is other end of the country, had to get in touch with a family member to check him and neither them or him messaged to let me know he was ok. He did the day after only to say don’t interfere!!! I’m a nervous wreck on every level, I’m crying everywhere I go. Doctors, smear test, dentist, mammogram, hospital apps I cry every where. Just not coping and ive truly let myself down. How I’m ever going to work again at this rate is beyond me. Sorry ladies I really am, 🥲

[nbumblebee]

Firstly if you are an idiot then so am i and alot on here as many of us are in the same boat.
Im still with my husband and most lijely always will be. You are not an idiot and none kf this is your fault at all. I also feel like all i do is think about him and what he does and says i think many of us here do you are certainly not crazy.
I think maybe you need to talk to womans aid helpline or your GP or even the samaritans you really sound like you need some extra help and sadly as hard as it is only you can reach out and take that help. You say you are waiting for help so I am guessing you have already reached out which takes guts stength so well done but sometimes i think you have to keep on asking keep on reaching until you do get some help.
There really is help out there look at some of the stories on here some of these ladies have come tbrough this with help and support so it is out there you have just got to be strong enough to go and grab it. Talk to womans aid theres a text chat line and an email address they will be able to help and advise you. Talk again to your GP stay strong and take care xxxx

[Helphelphelp]

Thank you for your message. I’m sorry if it seemed I was saying we are idiots I wasn’t, I just feel I’m not doing myself justice but no matter how hard I dig I come up short. X*x

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