Happiness to sadness

[Munchkin04]

Hi all. My partner changed during a conversation yesterday. Just became flippant and put on this voice he has. He went to bed without saying goodnight. I despair. I hadn’t argued answered back just remained calm. (detail removed by moderator). He always gets funny if something good happens to me and shows no understanding when I’m sad. It will all be about him. He’ll tell me I did something to trigger him. I know the truth and all I want to do is cry but I won’t let him see me cry. Sorry just needed to get it out I hate the way I feel. I want to tell him but it will do no good so he gets away with it yet again. It’s souls destroying x

[Bananaboat]

I didn’t want to read and run, just wanted to give you a virtual hug. These moments are so cruel and that’s his intent – how dare you have something good happening. There is nothing you could’ve done or said that would’ve pretended his tantrum. I know it’s tough tonight but try to do something for you, watch a tv show you like, have a bath whatever it might be. He’s going to sulk until he decides he’s done sulking. I hope it passes soon and he doesn’t spoil the good thing more than he already has x

[Hope123]

You know when it’s wrong. When your partner resents your success it’s wrong. You end up downplaying it just to keep the peace. Trust your gut.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. It really helps. He’s currently not messaging me when I get to work as normal. We haven’t even argued really. Do I message him? Do I lower myself to his level? It’s horrid. He shouts goodbye from the door no kiss as usual. He’ll turn this around on me I know he will. X

[nbumblebee]

No dont message him.
Mine does this and its evil.
They want you to think you have done something wrong so you go to them grovelling mine usually does this as he wants sex so he acts all hurt annoyed for no reason so i ask whats wrong over and over and i will do anything to stop the silence he knows that. Im guessing yours is the same. The only way to beat them to stop it is to not give in no matter how hard it is sweetie we have got to stop then being allowed to do this and only we can.
Sending you hugs cause this is s**t really s**t sweetie.
Hang on in there xxxxx

[Munchkin04]

Oh thank you. I’m dying inside. I find myself trying to make conversation with one word answers. I get a frustrated look. Soon he’ll tell me I seem off with him. It’s madness. I do t k ow how to be around him. I won’t message him. He knows what he’s doing. There’s no good morning no goodnight xx

[nbumblebee]

I know sadly I know. To me this is the worst of all he does the silence the fear that instills is just over welming. Can you take a walk? Have a coffee with a friend? Or just have a relaxing bath with candles etc something to calm yourself down. Id say take your mind off him but i knkw myswlf nothing works but try and keep busy today so you arent tempted to call him. Im gonna be honest its gonna gwt s*****r as he will expect you to call or creep around him and he wont like it if you arent. Obviosuly above all else keep yourself safe but if you are able to stand firm on this one he will get over it at some point. I carry on I talk to him as normal i get dinner etc all as normal he doesnt answer he doesnt acknowledge me sometimes for days and days but eventually if I dont give in he does and i finally win. He will just get up one day and talk as if nothing has happened its hard it hurts but I really try to stand my ground. I will be honest i dont do this all the time as i just dont have the energy but i am trying.
You have got this sweetie xxxxc

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. Isn’t it weird how one day they act like nothing has happened. I’ve usually messaged by now. But I will stand my ground and act as normally as possible. They really are unwell. The damage it does is sickening. I do have strong days and don’t ever let him see me cry now. He doesn’t like that. He actually said to me once that I do t get upset like I used to. I can see what’s happening that’s why I think. Thank you xx

[nbumblebee]

Wow me too I will never ever lwt him see me cry he can take wverything feom me but I wont give him that.
Take care sweetie let me know how you get on.
Stay safe x*x

[Hiya@]

Oh the silent treatment, ugh. Sending you love and hugs all of you who endure. It used to silence me too and to a degree I was able to ignore it eventually. I hated it when I was sad and crying and I was just told I was being needy, no hugs or affection coming my way for sure.
Stay strong x*x it’s not you it’s definitely him

[Broadbodiedchaser]

This is what my husband used to do to me. It’s a n********m thing. They don’t like it when you feel good about something so they have to make you feel bad by making you believe you did something wrong, even when you haven’t. They have to feel ‘better’ than you because deep down they are insecure. It plays with your mind and I spent 20+ years dealing with these cycles. You either have to find escape through hobbies and spend time ‘on you’ to get mental relief, put up with the cycles and learn to recognise the repeating patterns (a notebook and diary is useful) or leave. I left my husband because I couldn’t bare the endless cycles of emotion anymore. I feel very lonely at present (being a bit aspergers doesnt help. I am socially anxious) and these past 2 years have been tough. On the positive side, I have my own house and I’m not accountable to him anymore. I get depressed sometimes but today I got very ‘hyper’ with enthusiasm about crafts again… this is the first time in 3 years. He still plays ‘mind games’ and tries to mske me feel bad but I dont have it constantly ‘there’ so it’s much easier to cope with. Eventually I think I’ll feel myself again and finally be free from it all. I hope you do too. Look after yourself and speak to friends.

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