2nd January 2019 at 9:41 am #69721HopeLifeJoyParticipant
I wish everyone an abuse-free year, a safe year where we are able to blossom again, where we enjoy interacting with normal respectful genuine people.
I had probably one of the most difficult holiday period of my life, I have mourned the loss of yet another friend of mine, it always shocks me when I realise that a person was nothing more than an exploitative predator.
This time it threw me over the edge, I lost my faith and trust in myself.
I believed I am dangerous person because I attract such predators, that something inside me must be bad. So I isolated myself even more than I already do. I got so confused. I set out to learn as much as possible about abuse…but after reading and listening I was still left very confused and deeply disappointed that these kind of people are let loose in our world so I stopped believing in God/Universe as well. It’s not a nice place to be in I tell you, specially during Christmas time.
But I climbed out of my confusion.
I understand intellectually what an abuser is but I forgot to keep things simple to keep moving.
That means when I loose someone I trusted, I have to mourn the loss.
Allow myself to feel betrayed, disappointed, hurt, sad, angry, even to feel tenderness and once I have mourned I am able to let go of this person and move on.
I thought I have to stop mourning the loss of someone when they are evil. But then my feelings are left unprocessed inside me and that isn’t healthy because they aren’t going anywhere and start to rot on the spot. Inside of me. So I allow myself to mourn the loss of an abuser as much as a non-abusive person because it has to do with my feelings, not theirs.
Another thing happened.
My own family didn’t invite me over for the Christmas Holidays, instead they invited my ex abuser with my children to spend Christmas with them.
It is just ridiculous.
My ex really took over what used to be my entire social life. All my friends became our common friends, my family opened the doors to him, he had maybe a handful of own friends and family at the beginning.
All of our common friends became his and his alone, I lost them all to him. Now my family too.
It is just shocking how he lives what used to be my life. I am flabbergasted. I don’t know what to say. Or feel. I don’t feel anything but shock. It is so unreal to me. It is like it is happening to someone else, like I am watching a movie from the outside. And in a way that is protecting me. Because I never ever want to be pulled back inside his version of reality. I stay safe in my own reality.
Though year 2018, one of the toughest ones of my life, but I had the best support thanks to the existence of this forum. Massive thank you to everyone participating in it.
I am really looking forward for 2019, may it be above all a SAFE year for all of us. May it be a year where freedom to live the way we want to live our lives is a reality.
I wish everyone a fabulous New Year 2019 safe and free 🎊🎉💕
3rd January 2019 at 9:02 am #69814LisaMain Moderator
It sounds really positive that you have been giving yourself the space to process your emotions and grieve the losses in your life.
I can imagine that Christmas was very difficult knowing your ex was with your family, perpetrators are so good at being mr nice guy to everyone else.
Wishing you a happy new year.
Take care and keep posting
4th January 2019 at 9:20 am #69896HopeLifeJoyParticipant
Thank you kindly for the validation Lisa, it means a lot to me.
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