Hard to take care of myself

[DropsOfHope]

Been thinking a lot about my childhood and how neglected I was. It was probably one of the reasons why my ex-partner’s abuse felt so normal and why it was hard to leave.

I have a part-time job as a (detail removed by Moderator) and I have just started working with a new family. The little boy is adorable and his mother seems so loving. I would have loved to have such a kind and caring mother when I was that age. Mine was mostly self-absorbed and cold.

But I find it hard to focus on myself and to think of ways I can be nice to myself right now. Instead I am thinking about my ex again. How I often saw him as a little boy who was abused himself and how all I wanted to do was to save him from himself. I wish I could stop trying to take care of everyone but myself. Most of my days are good but it’s really hard right now.

[Eggshells]

Sadly we can’t always help our thoughts even when they make us sad. You sound like a very kind and caring person. To focus that on yourself isn’t easy, it’s not what we’re conditioned to do.

There are things that you can do. Have you ever heard of mindfulness? It teaches you to focus on the moment. I use an app called “Insight Timer”.

You do have to work at it but it can make a huge difference to cognitive function in so many ways. There are meditations on there that teach you self kindness. Please don’t be put off by the word meditation. It’s more like engaging with a short audio book.

[DropsOfHope]

Thanks, Eggshells! I actually started meditating a few weeks before I left but have been finding it really hard to get back into it on my own because I still associate it with the relationship.
I know that’s a bit silly and hoping it’ll get better over time!

[Anonymous]

Hi sweetheart – do a search for inner child work and you will get many books on it. Some talking about mothers who are self absorbed and very n**********c.

[DropsOfHope]

Thank you!! Are there any that you could recommend (if you have read them yourself?)

[maddog]

(detail removed by Moderator) It’s not my life and it never has been. Through therapy I am gradually finding I do small things to create better boundaries for myself and every now and again, I have mini-victories.

Please be very careful with Self-help books. I have heard that they can be very disheartening, and this view is my own experience. They can make you feel worse and like a failure when you find you can’t stand up to the plate, which is absolutely not your fault!

There’s a thing called Adverse Childhood experiences. Many of us score quite highly on that one. I found it brung into focus a bit more why and how my life has been a total car crash of crushing disappointments and a long abusive marriage.

Baby steps…

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