Has anyone else gone through this

[bubblesforme]

Hi I’m really struggling at the moment.

I’ve been in this relationship for a long time. I’ve known from the outset it wasn’t good for me but just never took the opportunity to get out.

When he drinks he can be verbally abusive. He doesn’t want me to speak to my family, and has tried to turn me against them. He has been working very erratically working (going through lots of jobs in a short space of time) and has a lot of debt so I’ve been shouldering the burden of keeping us afloat. I’m just managing barely but I’m so stressed. He doesn’t seem to realise what he is doing is not acceptable. It’s not normal behaviour. He keeps telling me things will work out. This is a lie.

I need some emotional support.
Anyway I rang the local DA and did a risk assessment. They said they couldn’t offer a case worker but I could attend drop sessions to get help.

I just feel I’ve got nowhere to turn to. No one to talk to. Nowhere to go to leave the stress of the relationship.

[Allornothing]

Hi Bubblesforme, this mirrors my experience with regards to the drinking and regular job changes, with there always being financial struggles but being left to keeping us afloat – hence I have been left with all the debt to pay off.

Reaching out for support is the first step and please feel proud of yourself. I would suggest you try and attend the drop in sessions, hopefully you will find that now you are reaching out, the sign posting will begin and you will start to educate yourself, gain knowledge and start getting stronger. The relationship will start chipping away at you but you may find that as you get stronger, you realise the only option is to leave. You are not his parent, he needs to learn the consequences of his actions. It is concerning that he is trying to turn you against your family, as this will isolate you hence it would be good for you to attend the drop in sessions.

Hopefully this forum will be some good support for you! xx

[bubblesforme]

Just worried I won’t get any help because it’s financial/ emotional abuse and it’s deemed not serious enough.

[Allornothing]

Hiya,

Domestic abuse covers a wide range of types of abuse and financial and emotional are definite forms of abuse. The more you look into it and hear others, the more you will find that it relates to your own experiences. Start with the drop in sessions, don’t feel afraid to reach out! Sending lots of love xx

[Bananaboat]

The services are overwhelmed so don’t take it personally. It might’ve been the way you described it, I know I downplayed a lot of the abuse when I first reached out or didn’t realise how serious it was. I remember telling one charity about him threatening to kill me as if o was describing saying hi to the neighbour, luckily she picked up on it. Also I had some really useless responses from some places when I first reached out too as if some are in the wrong job.

But emotion and financial abuse are serious, please don’t think you’ll only get support for physical. Reach out to the woman’s aid chatline, use this forum, research online watching people like Dr Ramani, (detail removed by Moderator) and many others. Look up the freedom programme as you might have a local one.

The drinking episodes can be really scary and damaging, I’ve lived them too so keep pushing to leave, it won’t get any better staying I’m afraid xx

[Author]

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