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Hi Ladies I know I’ve been going on about his new supply but …can anyone explain why everytime he see/has our children over his he is always talking about her to them (she is never there when he is talking about her)…how good hearted she is and how she buys him things etc…He is always talking about her all the time ..when I first started seeing him it was me who was always talking about him when he wasn’t around and I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread, I fell for him quite quickly, does this mean that he has fallen for her properly like I did for him and has changed his abusive ways for her? x
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No it means he’s using his kids to try to upset you by showing he’s “moved on” and replaced you. He will be using the same tactics to the new woman as to what he did with you – the nicey nice approach and then he’ll slowing eat away.
Well that’s the way I see it anyway! Try not to rise to the bait and just think good luck to her! 🙂
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I think he’s caught up in his honeymoon phase which won’t last. He doesn’t care that he’s hurting you in the process. In fact he’s probably enjoying the fact he knows it will get back to you. I would be keeping my new relationship Private especially for the sake of the children. One of them has already realised how dreadful his behaviour is. Saying that, I know how these thoughts will be plaguing your brain. All sorts of intrusive thoughts and wild images and self doubt. You met an abuser and they simply cause chaos and destruction. He will have his honeymoon period just like he did with you. Then he will come crashing down when he realises his new supply is not what he thought she was and the abuse will begin again and round and round it goes. It’s not you. It’s not personal. He just abuses who he can.
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Hey Worrywart,
I went back and read some of your earlier posts and yes he definitely abused you and I am so glad you are not with him. I think that one of the worst type of abuse is where you are left so confused by it all that you can’t work out whether you were abused or not. Reread your first ever post on this forum and imagine you are reading that about somebody else.
I used to be so confused, I had 2 abusers, one left me and the other I left, but the one I left I felt so conflicted over, I felt so guilty and strange for ages after. I had persistent and intrusive thoughts about the good times which felt like torture. You are healing from being abused by someone you loved and who you thought loved you. No contact or very little contact is your best way to continue to heal. Try not to think about him- instead focus on looking after yourself. He will play games with your emotions for as long as you let him.
You will get though this. Stay strong xx
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could you maybe say to the kids in response something like ” oh thats good but what have you been up to recently? turn the conversation back to being about them ie the kids lives. i eventually sat my daughter down and asked her to say to her dad simply ” i dont know” when he did the opposite and quized her about my life. i think if you scratch the surface he will be wondering what your doing. under neath it all and this is what your wondering i think he is thinking this – how dare she leave me – i will show her and hurt her now by saying look ive got who i really wanted someone better than you you are replacable- you mean nothing to me. worse they use the kids to get this over so double hurt whammy. in essence its about getting you back – in that he must win. he has no real feeling for anyone in this you the kids or the new woman. he cares about himself and he needs a supply to survive because deep down he feels he is nothing he is inferior for what ever reason but he needs to feed off someone and put you down. its all for his benefit and no one else matters xxxx
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if you think about it hes cunning because he never talks about her to them when shes there. hes given himself away here – what is he hiding from her would she think he was inadvertantly trying to make you feel jealous and hurt you? she would take that as hmm why is he doing this? he would show his true colours its called getting two women to vie (compete) for him – its all about his ego xx he wont want her to see beyond the veil of his abusive ways because she might realise he could also do this to her most likely with you. complicated so no wonder through upset your struggling with this xx
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thanks diymum …thing is she must be in on it because he sent a pic of (detail removed by moderator), plus getting engaged weeks into there relationship, no one in their right mind would do that surely, he never put a ring on my finger until we was together a few years and that was after a big argument we were engaged for a few years off a decade, i wanted to get married but he didn’t xx
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Everyone can see how pathetic it looks. We don’t actually know how long he has been seeing her. My ex was cheating for months before I found out. He will be running the show. Anyone that knows the both of you will be gobsmacked and rightly so. Despicable behaviour. Remember these men are selfish pathalogical liars. It might not seem like it just now but she’s done you a huge favour. I remember saying to my ex if I knew where she lived I’d send her flowers. She might think she’s won first prize but she’s actually got the booby prize x
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Hi WW,
When I met my ex, I was in a bubble for months and could see no wrong. Two close friends I had were trying their hardest to tell me to slow down, pointing out all the red flags, but I didn’t listen and my ex made me stop talking to them. My ex even bragged about sexually wounding his ex girlfriend to me, that was the only thing that made me try to stop the relationship really in the early months (when he started assaulting me, I broke up with him often but those break ups usually lasted a few hours before he’d worn me down again), but somehow that conversation with him ended up with him sobbing on the phone and me feeling guilty for making him sad. To this day I can’t explain how it went from me thinking “hey, this guy is bragging about what sounds like rape, I’m out of here” to “I wish I was there to comfort him right now” – in minutes.
My point is, they are such good manipulators and she is likely in that early bubble. I don’t think she is actively in on it, I think she is being used as a pawn to hurt you so that he can somehow feel better about himself as he will be getting a power-trip from it. Just look at how many people he is involving in this when in a loving relationship there is rarely the need to seek the approval of others as you’ll be happy in yourselves. Your sons are being used in this and I bet they are also feeling hurt and confused from it, but he just keeps going doesn’t he. And I think it’s so important for him to make sure that you get the message that he is preparing to marry this woman when you went years without a marriage commitment from him because he knows it will hurt, of course it hurts, and it’s ok to feel that hurt – just don’t let him know. Utterly despicable hurtful behaviour and not in any way a sign of two people “loved up”. You deserve so much better WW x
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you you watched the you tube vids on triangulation in relationships? this is what alot of these men do – remember its not personal there driven by a very small ego that constantly needs fuel. you know when you think of a raging fire – if you take the oxygen out off it you take away its energy. some how you have to find away of showing him your fine with it. i think tbh honest the boys will stop telling you about it all if you keep saying thats lovely im very happy for him – he will get bored and stop eventually.
she will be getting manipulated i bet xx
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