22nd February 2016 at 7:35 pm #10209
I’m going to have to visit my house tomor, the first time in (removed by moderator) since I left.
He has moved out and just left it and told me if I don’t go back then it will end up getting burgled and I am so out of order as he has taken a massive loan out to rent a flat so that me and my little girl can move home.
Feeling sick about walking back into it as just not sure how I feel.
Don’t know if he has put cameras inside of left traps 😢😢
I suppose I’ve got to trust him as he says he has changed and will not hurt me again.
He will have out little girl tomor so I am hoping I will be safe.
Hate this whole situation , I feel like he is living a great life now works as normal, can sleep in, do what he wants and then on his days off get given our daughter for a fun few days !!
I’m left trying to rebuild our lives,sort out finances, work, horrific nightmares for both of us and dealing with our daughter whilst doing this all …. Something doesn’t seem quite fair here !!!!!
I still am doing everything he tells and wants me to do !!!
22nd February 2016 at 7:52 pm #10210Confused123Participant
All I can say we have all advised u not to go bk but I know it’s not easy and u have decided to go back , we will still support and guide u , all I can say is please do not let him in house , never be alone with him , continue to get support from support worker And us , if u cAn get a non mol against him , child contact can still be arranged around the non mol , don’t make mistakes I made , it took me ages to leave my ex , I never reported him till I felt safe to do so which was 15 months after I’d left him
And moved town , I today got told it was too late to pursue , these men don’t change , I cam only say my justice was escAping and being alive today and to continuously guide u ladies not to make same mistakes as I did , please protect yourself more then ever now Hun , another option u may not want to hear but if u stress out house is empty put on rent , hope u really r not going to be alone tommrow with him when he sees your girl , can any one be with u
22nd February 2016 at 8:17 pm #10216
You have been through so much and I take on board your advice.
I have arranged drop off for contact at social services office so I will not be seeing him, as safety plans are in place for us not to meet.
I am not moving back to the house to live at present. I am going back to see how I feel might not even stay there the night.
I need to take some responsibility as he has just left the house and told me to sort it !!
I am sure he won’t get me tomor as he will be spending time with our daughter so surly he won’t jepodise that !
Please don’t think I ignore advice I hear what you are saying but it’s so so hard when to go against him would always cause repercussions 😢
22nd February 2016 at 8:39 pm #10218Confused123Participant
Please don’t think I’m judging u , I’m glad u have made social services aware if I read right and that contact is done in public place where he doesn’t get to see u , as long as he cant come in house if u stay there that’s fine , if u feel comfortable then stay there I just want to make sure u have protection in place so he can’t get near u , post as much as u need to sweetie , we here to guide u
22nd February 2016 at 9:49 pm #10226DaisyParticipant
Is it your house, jointly owned moon?
Is there any one who can stay with you or you with them?
There’s safety in numbers moon.
Maybe he won’t jeopadise anything or maybe he will try to contact you direct under the pretext of something important re your daughter, that’s a common move.so if your daughter doesn’t settle with him do you have something in place where he returns her to a third party?
Be safe moon,
X x x
22nd February 2016 at 9:59 pm #10227
Thank you so much for looking out for us, (if I had a mum I would like someone like you ) 😀
I’m really lucky to have good supportive friends so I’m sure one can stay .
Yeah it’s a joint mortgage am trying to chance it to interest only so I can afford to live.
I think he will be fine so that I think everything will be ok and safe to move back ….. I don’t know what his next star is at mo.
I feel I am doing ok at mo and feeling stronger so have taken steps for tomor.
I don’t have any plans in place but will have a think about that
Thank you xx
22nd February 2016 at 9:59 pm #10228
Sorry not star meant move ha
And meant don’t have contingency plan re night yet x
22nd February 2016 at 10:09 pm #10230DaisyParticipant
Bless you moon,
And you really are sounding stronger, which is lovely,
Have you sorted out the child benefit, tax credit, council tax discount and any benefit there, and houing benefit for the refuge?
X x x
22nd February 2016 at 11:55 pm #10245
I really want things to be ok – just wanna shift that knot in my stomach !
I have applied for Hb but not heard anything back for refuge.
I have contacted ct if and don’t need to do anything until 1st April when new bills are issued.
Have applied for working family tax credits,
Am still technically working just haven’t been there so not sure how I stand ?
Am due back to work nx wk so bit of pressure there.
Am going to try and look at finances and everything else over nx few days as won’t have my daughter so will have abit more chance to make phone calls.
I have days when I can take on the world and think I can do this and then I have days when I feel like everything is so so hard.
Defo would have given in along time ago with this site xx
23rd February 2016 at 12:25 am #10247AyannaParticipant
Hi Moon, I think this man is playing with you and you fall in his trap. You have a joint mortgage. Wonderful. He successfully played with your anxiety about material things and he won.
Think of a diffferent scenario: Whatever he says about the house, you do not go there and just leave it be. You do not care about burglars and diminshed value of the property. As the value diminishes you will lose out, but in the same way he will lose out. You do nothing, you do not react, you ignore whatever he says and stay in your safe place and carry on living your new life.
Trust me, in no time will this man look after the house again, because he does not want to lose his assets.
In the family court, a financial order will be drawn about the selling of your house and you will get enough money to start your life afresh with your daughter and he can (removed by Moderator).
23rd February 2016 at 4:59 am #10251
Yes you are proberly right, but for some reason I am desperately hoping he has changed. Mad I know and I don’t know what has to happen to ever break the bond of me continually protecting him and still doing what he says.
I defiantly feel like I have grown stronger and he also maintains that he has our little girls best interests at heart.
I have managed tonight to stick to alcohol levels that I should so that is massive Step forward, although I have been awake nearly all night and when I have dropped off had horrific nightmares and cold sweats again.
One day I am hoping to be strong enough and as you say tell him to (removed by Moderator) 😀
23rd February 2016 at 7:30 am #10254SerenityParticipant
I need to agree with Ayanna, I think you need to steer clear. It’s all games to get you close again so he can affect you and abuse you all over again.
Keep distance, go to the house to check or collect things only with the police or someone else with professional authority, and return to keeping well away.
You might feel you’re strong enough to cope, but once there are nearer his grip,you are vulnerable again.
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