Have had to return to family home

[Jedi warrior]

I lost my place to stay so have come back to family home other options exhausted after nearly a year away divorce still moving forward my solicitor warned me not to get manipulated I’m safe from physical harm adult son here too .taken me so long to come to terms with long marriage ending due to years of sexual coercive behaviour..anger slamming doors if I said no done freedom programme have acknowledged how it made me fall out of love because intimacy was always sexual not just cuddles sad because he would give me his last pound and had his good points ..still says he loves me .
But today said his behaviour was down to stress and rejection feeling lonely I tried to explain that he made me feel used and lonely justified again work pressure he does not want a divorce and keep saying how much he’s missed me have made situation clear that we are still getting divorced would be so easy to stay for financial security but I cannot forget how he made me feel for years caused me so much anxiety and made me feel so pressured to have sex until I confided to a councillor from relate I didn’t realise I had been living with coersion a regular part of my marriage still hard to come to terms with
Ex blames my councillor for our marriage breakdown to this day ..he says he knows he should not have got angry but justifies his reasons that’s why I’m keeping strong and trying not to let him get to me ..he used to beg and pressure until I gave in which must not forget ..

[searchingforhope]

Hey Jedi Warrior
I’m not as far along this journey as you yet. but its hard to hear them “justify” their actions and not acknowledge their part in hurting us. I too am listening to the pleads to let him back and try again, for the sake of the past history and children’s sake and it’s so hard not to cave in. Especially as its a calm spell at the moment. I’m only realising with last year or so about he coercion and emotional abuse and even still I question it as some of it seems normal to me as I know no better.
You made a very good point, you must not forget. Please don’t forget. Write down the things that have hurt you, I have done that, but probably don’t re-read it often enough.

Stay strong, take care x*x

[Twisted Sister]

Yes, searchingforhope, thats exactly what stuck out to me too, the not forgetting Jediwarrior, holding onto those memories of what he’s done, knowing how he made you feel all those years, and having that realisation of what he’d been doing sexually to you all those years. If your will is gone, then even his most impressive of positive behaviours will fall on deaf ears, as you know fully in your heart and mind, what he is, what he’s done, and what he also refuses to acknowledge and accept about his responsibility for his abuses.

Keep strong, having to be in close proximity with him, and yes, keep the memories strong too.

warmest wishes

ts

[Jedi warrior]

Thank u ts and searching for hope for your posts yes searching for hope it was a normal part of marriage for so long that we dont know anything different when I hear him justify now makes me more determined to not cave in ! Yes writing down incidents help he found my journals and read them ! It’s so hard but doing what’s best for me now warmest wishes to you both you will get there as I will ..

[Jedi warrior]

Had a feeling of crisis yesterday had to speak to to the samaratins felt controlled again living here with ex..he stated that he was going to come get me (detail removed by moderator) times from where I was staying as he believed I was not safe .. this was not the case am I reading too much into that statement ? Hard not too when he’s been so coercive for years .always justifications for his behaviour..

[searchingforhope]

Those feelings of crisis come in waves at times don’t they and feel like you are spiralling down so fast. At least that’s how I feel. Sending you so much strength and love to keep going. He’s pushing me at the moment to.  (detail removed  by moderator)  and he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. uuuggghh. It’s so hard.
I hope you feel better today. I hope Samaritans help.
gotta go, work calls. Take care x*x

[Jedi warrior]

Thank you searching for hope yes they just don’t get what they have done and don’t want to let go keep strong too x

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