Have I done the right thing?

[Undeckedkitten]

I’ve asked my husband to leave and I’m scared but I really can’t do this anymore.

I’ve been with him for (detail removed by moderator), the physical violence began in (detail removed by moderator) but he’d been verbally abusing me prior to that, threatening to crash the car and take my seat belt off.

The final straw for me began in (detail removed by moderator), I took an overdose because I couldn’t cope anymore. He’d control when I went to bed, who I could talk to. Tell me I’m useless, no-one likes me, no-one would believe me, I do nothing for him etc.

(detail removed by moderator). He just called me a selfish b***h and to die. He said he was sorry but he was scared.

Then my eldest daughter (detail removed by moderator) He’s not happy and kicked off, she’s not coming home now and refuses to come over when he’s there. I feel he’s took her from me if that makes sense. He neglects our youngest (detail removed by moderator) when I’m at work, not feeding her properly.

(detail removed by moderator) He huffed and went in a mood. He said I can go to bed at midnight. It was at that moment I realised I couldn’t do it anymore.

I want him to leave but I know he’ll make it harder. People have told me he’s a n********t and I can see it now.

There’s more that I can’t say on here. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Lionking]

Yes you’ve done the right thing. I asked my husband to leave months ago and have just packed my bags to move to a shelter tomorrow. I naive in thinking he would leave peacefully, finally realising that I had to be the one to go.

I hope he gives you the peace you deserve. X

[Undeckedkitten]

I just feel bad but then I remember all the things he’s done and my strong feeling that I cant do it anymore then it all comes back.

He’s playing the guilt trip, I’m making him homeless, he has nowhere to go etc so I feel like I have no choice but to leave now.

[Happybelle]

Absolutely done the right thing. Crikey all of what you shared sounds horrific.
I expect you will feel guilty but please know that it will pass with time. I’m several months clear and the guilt is pretty much gone. It’s totally your life, you’ve got this, you absolutely can do this and this awful person can go and do with their miserable life whatever they choose to do.

my ex lived in my home, said exactly the same things about me making him homeless. I did not. He did that to himself and got himself arrested in the process. It feels awful, it really does but guess what…. Mine is finally doing what he should always have done. Sorted himself out and is absolutely fine.
you’ve done brilliantly, well done and I hope you can have some peace x

[Undeckedkitten]

Yes I do feel guilty, I know this is hurting him and we’ve been through a lot this year but enough is enough.

I feel like we’ve built this life and now it’s falling apart. I know in my soul I’m doing the right thing.

I have to be something I’m not and be heartless because if I feel anything else I’ll be tempted to stay and I know it’ll most likely be worse this time, it’ll be nice for about 2 months if I’m lucky then it’ll start again and likely progress in a really bad way.

He is just ignoring me at the moment but it can’t go on like this.

I have loads to do tomorrow.

[Hereforhelp]

You have reached your point of no return in that you see what he is and what he is doing to you..  you have absolutely done the right thing and he will act out as once they sense that you have shifted they adjust their behaviour.  When I was at the stage you are at, my husband went from anger, to victim and pity mode and then tried the usual “how can you tear/rip our family apart think of the kids” ….

Get in touch with your local Domestic Abuse Services, they can help guide and support you, you will need support.  My husband simply wouldn’t leave! It was exhausting as he was trying every trick in the book so he could stay (which I never understood as, if he was as unhappy as he said he was with me then why didn’t he leave?!).

 

Your partner is a classic abuser, yes he will have narc traits but, the difference is abuse is a choice, he knows what he is doing and is chosing to behave this way towards you.

 

Keep posting, you are not alone love

[Karisqq]

When comes to leaving an abusive and closed relationship it’s very normal to doubt yourself or feel guilty, since you did try your best to maintain the relationships but things don’t workout. One thing I hate about abuse is that it’s always the victim who has to do all the hard work, such as to leave, or to cope with all the difficult feelings. Sometimes I even feel unfair bc I feel like abusers never get punished or struggled as much as we victims do. However, prob we will have to open the door and leave by ourselves, but its hard and its okay to take time. Just remember all are about processes and don’t be too hard on yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. I hope you’ll find your way soon x

[Author]

Posts