Have I left for good? Help.

[Bluebirds]

I have 90% left my emotionally abusive relationship. I’m currently at my (detail removed by moderator). My body is in constant fight or flight and I’m feeling really unwell. I have been battling bad anxiety for as long as I can remember but it has hit a level where I can’t even seem to function properly. I have been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) who is emotionally abusive, jealous and controlling in a subtle way. He is very covert. He needs so much attention and affection its exhausting. He can be the most lovely person aswell which is not making this any easier. I have lost all my friends and feel isolated and struggle speaking to people it is like a huge effort. He’s at the moment promising he will change etc take me on holiday. Now he realises how he has treated me he is saying. I’m obviously the bad one now as I left. He’s on and off like a light bulb being nice then fuming. I’m feeling sick that I have been treated this way for so long after doing alot of reading and listening to podcasts and it has really hit home. I feel like I have been detaching for a while knowing this isn’t right for me but it’s not making it any easier to stay away. I have been back and for over the last (detail removed by moderator), I’m emotionally drained. The only tie for us is a mortgage but I can see it getting difficult. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m scared of my life with but also without him. I want myself back whoever that is. My whole adult life he’s all I’ve known. Is anyone in a similar situation? How do I move on with my life? Will I go back? It’s a huge mess!!!

[Lisa]

Hi Bluebirds,

What you’re feeling is very normal, lots of women struggle with these exact same thoughts around leaving. Promises to change are a tactic to stop you leaving so that he can keep his control. The fact that, even while making these promises, he’s saying you’re the bad one and putting blame on you shows that he doesn’t take responsibility and therefore has no real motivation to change. Specialist support can be really helpful. You could reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support with what you’re going through. Although you are 90% out, you are still experiencing abuse from him that is making staying away so much harder, you deserve to have support to feel strong in your choices and plan how to start moving on with your life.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Bluebirds]

Thankyou Lisa. I have to keep telling myself he will not change. I’m a shell of my previous self I feel so sad. I really hope this is it and I can move on with my life.

I’ve made contact with my local DA service and waiting for a support worker although it has been a few months since my referral. Just shows how many women are suffering 🙁

[Broken123]

Hi Bluebirds!

This is the point I am at, at the moment. I have got the keys to a new house and ready to start moving some things. But he’s suddenly all sorry and can see how he was with me, promising to never hurt me again etc etc… it really plays with your mind and emotions to the point where you doubt your decision is right.
We have to stay strong in our decision as it has taken a lot for us to get to this point and to see the abuse for what it was ABUSE not love.

Please feel free to drop me a message if you ever want to chat or some support.

[Bluebirds]

Thankyou for your reply! I’m sorry to hear you are also in this situation. Its so hard isn’t it to stay strong in your decision. I’m thinking how can an abusive partner also do so many nice things for you (physically) eg. Car things, DIY in house, he would be there if I needed him in crisis. So so confusing 🙁

I’ve heard all the promises before too… this is the first time I’ve stayed away so long and not given into him. Hope I’m doing the right thing feel so alone right now 🙁 stay strong!

[Author]

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