have you felt this too?

[Chocolatebunnie]

Sorry Ive posted lots all of a sudden, but just looking for some clarity

Do you stay because you feel you are hyperfocusing on the abuse, you convince yourself that its not that bad you are the problem, making it up, its past trauma?

Do you stay becuase you are afraid that you are getting it wrong, that relationships have difficulties and that is what this is, that you are making a mistake and never get over it, that this is actually some form of love?

Have you felt this?

[IceCube]

Yes!

[Ricepudding]

Hi Chocolatebunnie yes I hear what you are saying and feel the same

[Neverendingstory]

Yes, i’m feeling this right now.  I’ve been married many years, I met him as a teenager and just blamed myself for his behaviour and made excuses.  Now i’m just stuck in the cycle and its wearing me down.  I hoped he would get better but he seems to be getting worse… but then i start feeling sorry for him , he has a way of acting like a little lost child and it sucks me in.. then it all starts again

[Survived]

Hi, I’m new here. Yes, I have felt and thought this too. Just thought I’d say that. To try to be supportive and get support. Acknowledgment is important to us all I guess. I am a good deal over fifty. Have experienced two marriages both ended because of each man’s abuse. Currently trying to move on with my life after latest ended.  last year. That’s all really just reaching out to see what happens as very lonely now.

[Justwokenup]

I feel exactly the same!! I think about leaving or getting him to leave ( which he wont) and I panic.  Ours is a long term relationship what if ive got it wrong , that its normally like this after so long together. That he’ll get better . At the minute he’s semi behaving as we’re in seperate rooms . I feel sorry for him as hes so shepish and like maybe now he’s learnt his lesson that it will be ok , weve been through so much together ( some of his making) I worry about how he’ll cope with out me instead of how am I coping by being with him!

I dont get it and remain confused about everything,  its like groundhog day , I cant move forward as im scared im wrong and its me not him and I cant move back as something is stopping me telling me I can’t cope if it went back to how it was before!

It’s like im emotionly numb when it comes to him there’s neither love or hate just a nothingness.

I have to box it away some times as it drives me crazy so we eat together watch tv and chat about the kids and inside im dying!

[IceCube]

Dont be sorry for posting. I know exactly how u feel. Its very confusing. I’m new to this forum but all the posts are so relatable that its really helping me clarify my feelings. I’ve been married for a long time and u sort of get used to the cycle of abuse. Its a hard word to use but that’s what it is, I’ve only just realised. Years of making excuses for them, thinking they have a mental illness or ADHD etc. First tension, walking on egg shells, then the outburst followed by calm, lovebombing…..repeat.

[Author]

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