Having Realisations…

[coffeepotion]

my partner was on self employed furlough over lockdown and I carried on working… I paid for everything, even though he got (detail removed by moderator) (and his step mum had given him (detail removed by moderator) for us both) I am STILL paying for everything as he’s back at work but its not as busy as normal.

I’m so resentful as he has continued to drink and smoke throughout whilst I am short of money, I can’t bring it up because he gets defensive and somehow I end up soothing him or apologising..

(Detail removed by moderator) of work, and him laying on the sofa with a fan (day off) I then went to buy food shopping, made food whilst he done nothing.

I can’t say anything as he gets angry and I can’t cope with his moods

I know it doesn’t sound bad but its the last in a long line of things

[Eggshells]

It sounds awful actually. Totally unreasonable of him if I’m honest. That good old fashioned control tactic of anger. I understand that very well. It can be very effectively used as a silencing technique.

I just stopped cooking and shopping in the end. When he asked what was for dinner I just said I hadn’t got anything planned but he was free to sort it out.

[Eggshells]

Bumping

[Lottieblue]

Someone recently put an analogy on here of a brick wall. If you see your relationship as starting out like a wall, and gradually his unreasonable behaviour knocks the bricks out… eventually the structure of the wall becomes so weakened that the whole thing collapses.

Often we, as the victims, see ourselves as unreasonable because the removal of just one brick is such a big deal to us, but actually it’s not just one brick, it’s a whole pile of bricks, one at a time.

I recently got really annoyed (just because it’s the mood I was in) when mine sat (once again) and just waited for his meal while he read something. He did nothing. Didn’t set the table, get drinks, nothing. Normally I just mutter profanities under my breath but it really bugged me this time so everything I did had an extra bit of clatter or clang in it! Pointless. But it was just the mood I was in.

Is just that final brick, isn’t it, added to the pile that’s already lying there? And you resent it.

[Catjam]

I totally relate to this. Mine was on furlough but I continued to work. I work in a (detail removed by moderator) and it was chaos. It’s only a small place we had (detail removed by moderator) staff down so the rest of us worked longer often with no breaks because of how busy it was.
But he was home, he did nothing except ring me to whine I wasn’t home, to ask me to bring him something to eat as he hadn’t all day. I would come home to do all the housework, he would occasionally go to the shop for bread. Our house hasn’t been decorated in years and because we have a big celebration here near (detail removed by moderator) I asked if he could start decorating.
Nope, he sat and watched tv for nearly (detail removed by moderator). When I complained he got angry and said he had been doing stuff I just didn’t appreciate it.
My youngest helped with the cleaning but now he is claiming he did it but let her take the credit. The one occasion he did vac she texted me astonished, turns out he had brought his (detail removed by moderator) and had just done them.
I don’t bang and clatter anymore I usually save the jobs till he gets home and do them while he is sat watching tv. He wants my undivided attention but I get to have a little quiet time. Sometimes I claim I have been ironing but I read instead.
All rather sad I guess.

 

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