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Just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the journey ahead and the healing still to do and coming to terms with realising that I’ve been abused and that my husband will never understand how badly he’s hurt me.
He keeps talking about how inconvenient the separation is for him now because he’s going through a busy period in work. He’s saying how stressed he is and how he can’t concentrate after what ive done. And how this should be a special time for us with our kids, like I’ve just chosen this.
It’s just a final blow to think that, after all my suffering, in his mind, I will take the blame too. For “tearing our family apart”.
When I first told him I had contacted womens aid he told me how me doing that had driven a wedge between us. Not the abuse that he perpetrated, but me reaching out for support.
I’m just so so sad that he will never get it.
To him, right now, I look remarkably strong. He has even commented on how I seem happy. But inside, I am a wreck. I’m still in shock at what I suffered and was clearly in denial for years.
Just wanted to vent where someone might get it.
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Oh lovely yep yep yep, this is what they do sadly. They have to be the victim. There’s zero recognition for any part they played. It’s also a trick to try and guilt you into staying – you broke the family up etc. No mate, you did! But save your breath as he’ll never accept it. He’ll probably bad mouth you to his family and flying monkeys to paint how badly you treated him, but instead of getting angry or trying to defend yourself take it as an opportunity to recognise who your real friends and allies are. Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint and long term you’ll recover your strength, remember who you are and build a happy home. He on the other hand will repeat the same old routine until the end, never finding true peace. Hang in there, it gets better xx
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I get it. I’ve not spoken to mine since it happened but we have an intermediary and he said how can I throw the last x years away. I know a lot of his behaviour is a result of the abuse he suffered as a child but there comes a point where he has to accept responsibility so I had to put me and my kids first. It feels like a weights been lifted but it’s a long road ahead as we’ll have to meet eventually to sort out childcare and stuff.
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Totally recognise this. According to my ex – I have stopped him from seeing the children. I caused the divorce – because I asked for the divorce. His alcoholism is an illness. I should understand that the often unpleasant behaviour should be regarded as a symptom of the disease.
They will never accept any responsibility. It’s very hard to cope with all of this.
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Oh yes, I had similar it’s an illness, should be grateful he’s a functioning alcoholic and not one we see on the streets, that the world accepts all types of genders/religions/sexual orientation so it should accept addicts for who they are too…zero responsibility on his part, the world was at fault not him.
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Exactly the same here. My ex told me that I was literally killing the kids, I’ve damaged them, there’s no need for this etc etc. he shows absolutely no accountability, it’s all playing the victim and demonising me to anyone and everyone. It’s ridiculous, because everyone knows the truth, he’s just so utterly deluded. It’s scary. You most definitely are not alone! Xx
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I can certainly relate so you are not alone.
I’ve been divorced since last year but we have children and do parenting is an absolute nightmare. Everything is my fault. I’m the abuser. His PTSD is caused by my behaviour. I’m harassing him and he’ll report me to the police if I approach him even if it’s at a children’s event with the children there. He has to protect himself from my abuse for his own mental health. I am a liar. Yet I receive constant horrible very long messages via the parent app from him and I only speak to him when absolutely necessary and only about the children. It’s frustrating as hell but I have to let him continue as I’m scared if he doesn’t bully me then he will take it out on the children.
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