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Cos I was ignoring him, then I blocked him. He knocked on, I answered cos I didn’t want my mum seeing and ringing the police, we argued a bit, he went to his car, I shut the door, he came and knocked again. I got in his car so my parents wouldn’t notice. We drove around arguing for (detail removed by Moderator) hours. He says it’s my fault he’s like this. I’m not sure he won’t come back, he said he might. I really don’t want to get him in trouble with the police.
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I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s worth thinking where your boundaries are – ie at what point you’re prepared to put your own safety and well-being ahead of protecting him from the natural consequences of his actions.
It is not your fault that he is like this. Him saying this is very typical abuser script. They hate to be held accountable for their controlling and abusive behaviour (words and actions).
Maybe have a chat with your mum and explain what’s been going on. I know it’s tempting to try to avoid worrying those we love, but if something more happens at least she’ll be prepared.
I’d recommend the book Out of the FOG. The FOG stands for the Fear, Obligation and Guilt feelings that abusers rely on to control and coerce us and keep us tied in with their craziness even once we’ve supposedly moved on.
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She’s really mad at me. He told her a few days ago I was a prostitute (true). She gives me the cold shoulder for days when she’s mad at me, barely speaking. He came back and posted money through my door and she was so mad at us both. Said I need to learn who to trust and should only trust family. I am starting to feel trapped whatever I do
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