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He turned up unannounced to see the kids, I told him to leave now they are in bed and he is refusing he says he is staying here (removed by moderator), if he wants to stay he obviously has one thing on his mind I don’t know what to do I am panicking now a friend told me to call the police or said she will call for me or will come over but I don’t want to cause a scene with the kids here he is just sat watching TV I really don’t know what to do I let him in as I was not expecting him but was expecting my landlord so just opened my door, will the police even do anything if he keeps refusing to leave?
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Hi Lyria, you have every right to decide who comes to your home and when they leave. Don’t be fooled by the relaxed watching TV, he’s only relaxed because he feels entitled to do whatever he intends. I would definitely let your friend come over to back you up. Are you able to call the police in secret, safely? Once they’re there he’ll have no choice but to go. My ex used to turn up all the time when I first left him. I didn’t feel I had any rights at all. Please stay safe xx
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Is he named as a joint tennant of your property? If he isn’t I’m pretty sure they could force him to leave if necessary.
I’m pretty sure the Police would definitely politely ask him to leave. If you state that you are in fear of your safety if he was to be left in the house. I think they have to remove him.Prior to calling the Police is it worth getting your friend to drop in. He may be more inclined to leave if he is made uncomfortable. When your friend arrives state “x*x was just leaving”. That way it’s clear that he is leaving and there’s little excuse to stay at that point. You may need to call Police at that point.
Just a few suggestions that might be worth a try. Please make sure you keep your phone on you and keep your doors unlocked and exits clear. Can your friend inform someone else of the plans in place that’s outside the home too. Someone she can call to stand down when the situation is safe.
Hope he leaves soon without any drama. keep us updated.
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HI HUn
Ive been in that scenario b4 ex used to turn up and refuse to leave, i used to call polcie and they used to remove him, at times it wasnt even safe so i would secretly call, i nhave been in this scenario twice, once i called police infront of him and he didnt care but police still came and removed him, and second time he threatened to smash my phone if i call, i had to do in secret , IN the end i refused to open the door in future to protect myself no matter hoow much he beg to open door, if they threaten to smash door down like my nex, still call police
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He left after a couple of hours. He wanted sex. He got it. I said no, I made it very clear I didn’t want it, I tried to get him off me. But I didn’t fight properly or yell or cause a big scene because the kids were asleep upstairs. I have been advised that it would be my word against his if I went to the police and it would be extremely difficult to prove this was ‘rape’. This is the 3rd time he has done this since I left him. The 1st time I did fight and ended up with a black eye and bruises all over and internal bruising. I can’t win either way, whether I ‘let’ him do it, or fight back. I am so tired, I hurt all over and I need to get through this weekend with my children. Why does he do this? I have never hurt him ever, I have never hurt anyone.
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I don’t know who advised you that it would be his word against yours but this is not true. There is evidence that he raped you. If you want it to stop you need to ring 999 or 101 and report this. If you do not report it he will think he can keep on doing this to you. Also, if you give a statement to the police, he may have done this to other women and their statement and your statement is further evidence. I have a feeling it was him who told you it would be his word against yours. Exactly what my ex told me. Not true. He was arrested for the assault, convicted and kept away from me. You can’t fight a man like this on your own. You need to ask from help from the police, he has no right to even come near your home. Please ring the helpline on here, rape crisis helpline or 101 and ask to speak to a domestic abuse police officer. You have many options and there are many agencies that can help you. Go to your GP asap or your local hospital and log this with them. I was told to get an STI test too. This is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong but you need help. Do not believe a word he tells you. They are all liars. I hope you get the help you deserve for you and your kids. I used to keep quiet too while he raped me or let him in to stop my son hearing his abuse. It won’t end until you act. I know it’s really difficult but it needs to be done. Can you tell a friend to report him with you. Or a family member?
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I told my friend, who is going to come to the solicitor with me to see what my options are. She is going to call on Monday to make an appointment. I don’t really want anyone else to know. I have a couple of neighbours who are brilliant but I haven’t told them this part. I don’t want everybody to know. Not yet at least, until my head is in a better place. I will look into getting a door alarm and a chain. My windows are all locked anyway as my middle son is a climber and an escape artist.
Thank you all for your messages. It does help. -
I know you might not want to report it now but my mind changed and I wish I had kept more evidence. If you can at least go to your GP and tell her then it’s noted for future. Keep a detailed journal. Confide everything in your friend. This will help when it comes to custody and access to his children as well. Please please do not underestimate these men. Mine accused me and had me detained in a cell for (detail removed by Moderator). Of course it was rubbish but they have no empathy or even boundaries. Women’s aid are fantastic if you can get in touch they will allocate you a worker who knows the system. They won’t pressure you into doing anything but their Knowlegde is so valuable, they predicted my abusers every move! Good luck X please mention the rape to your solicitor. You can say you don’t want to go into detail but try to mention it X
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The idea that I won’t be believed terrifies me, enough to keep me quiet. I guess he was successful in trying to make me feel that way.
I have a log, and screenshots etc, of the threats he has made, and carried through, the times he has hurt me, the constant calls and texts etc.
He came over to see the kids again, as arranged this time, and having to act like I was fine with him being around, for the sake of the kids, and in front of family, killed me a little inside. Wow, it’s hard x
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