He found me

[Ayanna]

I go through a lot of hell right now. That’s why I am not on here much.
I knew that I was not safe.
I contacted all possible agencies for help.
So far I am still without any protection.
Strangely I was offered to go into a refuge this time.
So long after fleeing…
I just cannot do this anymore.
I want a normal life and I cannot have it.
I really cannot go on like this anymore.
Stay safe all.

[Peaceful Pig]

I’m so sorry to hear this Ayanna. It just proves how right we are to trust our instincts and how vital it is that agencies believe and listen to that instinct. I hope you are able to accept any help that comes your way, you’ve waited long enough and deserve protection. Maybe refuge is the best way forward now. I really hope you can stay safe xx

[older lady]

Please take the safest route. Its horrible to leave everything behind, I’ve had to do it myself and hide away in a new place, where I knew noone. I left job, home, friends, possessions to face debt and homelessness (I was homeless for about a year) but eventually I found a safe place to live and you can too. I know I made the right choice but i can’t say i don’t regret what I had to leave behind because i do feel very sad about it, even now. But what would have happened if I had stayed? So I can’t regret it and I know, if I had to, I would do it again. I hope you can stay safe too. xx

[Lisa]

Hi Ayanna,

I am so sorry to hear this and that you don’t have any protection at the moment. Please do consider taking the refuge space if you feel this is the safest option for you. Lean on the support. Don’t let him win, Ayanna.

Keep posting to us, we are all here for you.

Take care,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Ayanna

That’s aweful

Phone police and get it logged hun

You don’t have to live in fear

Please stay safe hun x

[Serenity]

Let us know how you are, Ayanna x

[Confused123]

Hi Lovely

Please do let us know how you are, a lot of us ladies on here care for you laods, sorry tohear his found you , please takek the support from refgue, at least this way u will have protection around you , i know its not ideal as u feel u are starting again but i hope this way he can not get to u and u can be offered more support

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Ayanna,

I hope you are ok and safe, and that you are getting help. It is such an awful situation, but we are here to support you, and understand. Let us know how you are doing if and when you can. The refuge sounds like a good option for the best safety, and you can build in strength from there.

[Jupiter]

Hi Ayanna

Please get help as soon as possible. Safety and support is the key to start a new life without abuse of any kind.

The refuge can supply all these things and more as it is a woman-only place where workers and other survivors

can really understand your issues.Please do not remain alone and at risk.We are thinking of you.
Jupiter xx

[Ayanna]

Update:
I have used all my days off work to my exhaustion to organise help.
I cannot go into the refuge because I cannot get into work from there. It is too far away.
They would not take my cat either. I have issues with sharing facilities with strangers due to what I have been through. They would not give me a space for myself alone. This would end in a disaster.
I am not a chess figure that can be placed around.
I am a human being with a background of lifelong abuse.
Nobody understands my need for stability and my inability to frequently change my environment and loose my job due to geographical reasons.
I am alone here. I have no family. My job gives me security to make a living.
I have all signs of PTSD and I struggle with them a lot. It is difficult to keep myself together and too much change and insecurities, loosing my cat and belongings, will have a detrimental effect on me.
I am very fragile and cannot loose the counselling that I fought so hard for for years due to change of postcode. Also, I have health issues that do not allow me to make a move right now.

The council, police and all involved services refuse to help me with the practical issues to make my home safe.

I put a lot of thinking into what I should do. From the start I never had any help and kept myself safe all alone.

I am in danger as he now knows where to look for me.
I have reached out for help and not received any support to keep my job and find a safe home or make my present home safe.
I will stay where I am.

I have to watch my back more than ever.
If he wants to kill me he can.

This country does not care about women and I am too tired to do anything again after all my efforts.
If I have to die I will accept my fate.

[Anonymous]

Hi ayanna

Iam so sorry you dealing with this on your own

Have you thought about going to victim support . They have been my lifeline ..they will make sure you will get all the help to stay safe .why others have failed us .
Stay strong hun pm.anytime you wish x

[Serenity]

So sorry to hear all this, Ayanna.

Please speak to as many people offering support as you can. Someone might suggest something you hadn’t thought of.

I can understand your feeling unable to uproot yourself, and I am a cat lover and know how you feel. At the same time, you need to protect yourself.

Hugs x

[EeyoreNoMore]

Ayanna, you are truly one of my heroines in life and I know you will get through this.

You have so much knowledge: of abuse and of yourself. You are so amazingly self-aware, you recognise your needs and although this means that you also recognise when they’re not being met, it puts you in a strong position.

Hang in there my Warrior and please keep us updated.

[Anonymous]

Ayanna

Please keep us updated. We all so worried for you x

[KIP.]

Hey Ayanna, I just want you to know I think I know how you feel. I’m still in the marital home. Even though I was offered a place in refuge I decided to stay put and even though he knows exactly where I am, I’ve reconciled with the fact that he can come back and kill me anytime he likes. It’s a weird sense of peace. I don’t want to live away from my friends and family and home town and I won’t leave the life I know and love, this for me would be worse than him killing me. So I choose to stay. I try to stay as safe as I can with my personal security but I’ve had x years of being on high alert, of nightmares and living in fear and I choose not to live like that anymore. Yes I have the days where I panic but I know I have a great support network in place and for me that’s more important than moving somewhere and starting again. Not going to happen. So that pathetic little man can play his games, come to the bottom of my street and try to intimidate me. One step over the line and he knows I will ring the police again. It’s awful how the law treats victims of crime. They think because he has been found guilty and punished then that’s an end to it. The court clerk actually told me that after sentencing it was finished. I told her well it wasn’t finished for me. (detail removed by Moderator) Stay safe ❤️

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Ayanna – so sorry to come back and read this 🙁

Please let us know how you are following your last post?

Thinking of you xx

[Ayanna]

Thank you for all your replies.
Yes, KIP, we are in the same situation now.
I have been failed again.
I cannot even have adequate communal lighting in the place where I live. The council would not spend on increasing the brightness of the lights.
I have developed a sense of fatal humor to cope with my life over the last few weeks.
I will stay.
I have too much to deal with and moving is the last thing on my mind.
I live far away from him and he is not young anymore. I can only hope that the distance deters him from coming here too frequently.

[Author]

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