He has broken me and I don’t know what to do

[Number2]

Currently in the abusive relationship. I am sad, upset, I am turning into a horrible person. I need someone to talk to. I used to be so different ..so confident, I don’t recognise myself anymore.

He does not think my consent is necessary (when he wants to be intimate I should give it to him). If I don’t he sulks and starts an argument. I have read a lot on this forum and many of you can relate. He will keep asking to be intimate even after I’ve said no.

He says crazy things to get a reaction from me . The most absurd things I have ever heard in my life. If I have come back from seeing my friends or a work trip he will ask who I’ve been intimate with. If I don’t do as he says he will say I can’t go out and see my friends. He just starts fights for no real reason. It doesn’t make sense. I feel like I am walking on eggshells.

He Does not give me space or respect my boundaries . When we fight he does not care about pushing me to the limits and me saying enough! I ask him to stop he doesn’t, he continues.
He will keep asking me the same questions and I will keep giving him the same answer. Does he want another answer? Why does he ask me the same questions over and over again?

He Is jealous and insecure, for no reason at all. I’ve not given him any reason to think this. It’s not in my nature to begin with.

He is negative about everything and everyone. He makes me feel like it’s an inconvenience seeing my friends and family. He will complain about why we have to go to them or why they want to meet. Complain about the commute or the weather.

He does not care about my feelings because his feelings prevails over mine. He does not hear me. I have told him how upset these fights make me and he uses my vulnerability against me.

He likes to provoke me, he enjoys bringing out the worst in me. He knows what he is doing. I’ve hit him because he wouldn’t get away from me or he kept touching me when I said NO to being intimate. I’ve never hit anyone in my adult life. I feel worthless, I feel like I shouldn’t exist for myself anymore.

He shows signs of coercive and controlling behaviour. he is obsessed with how I spend my time. I feel micromanaged. I have to tell him exactly what time I am coming home and once he started a fight because I was running late.

He has acknowledged the above, took responsibility and said he will change. Whether he does or not is up to you But I am already traumatised. I am already broken. I don’t feel like myself. As he works on himself (I hope he does) how do I change? How do I go back to that happy woman I once was.

[nbumblebee]

Hey.
Yep absolutly understand every single one of your points. I am there too here too.
Ive lost myself I have no idea who I am and havent for a long long time so yep I get you and so do many on here.
I have no advise i just dont kniw all I can tell you is what I am doing. I have recently taken a job he hates he stoos me he is nasty but somehow from somewhere I go. Ive learnt thing gone to college made friends and am slowly starting to feel a little hapoy flutter in ny tummy instaed of that dread. I am saving a few pennies too maybe for my get outta jail fund i dont know but its there in a seperate bank account in just my name.
I see a PT who helps me and a counsellor both I pay for I self harm and have issues going back years im a mess so these people help hold me up slowly i am trusting them very slowly.
I am starting now after 2 years of being on this site to learn to read about abuse and n********t to open my eyes as hard as it is when you read and learn that its actually not just you that it cant be your fault if others have the same issues it does give you some hope so read learn listen ask questions feel free to PM me im always on here the more you talk the more you leaen the more you will find a way and you will find a way.
Womans aid have a chat line or you could email them ive also set up an email thats not linked to any device so if i need to i can use that and he doesnt know.
Mine often checks up in me follws me to work rings to see where i am so i know how to be careful. Sadly its about arming yourself so you are one step ahead.
Ive said this a thousand times to me ive built up a wall and im inside wanting to get out.
Im taking that wall down brick by brick some days he puts some back in but I will always always keep chipping away at them trying to break out. Its all I can do.
Always here if you need someone.
Stay safe xxxxxx

[Number2]

I have heard about the chat line. I will give that a go thank you. I’ve started making a journey of things in attempt to arm myself. It seems like you have been doing a lot of healing. I hope I can do that too.

[Confusedgirl]

Hello Hunny

My ex husband was the same. Wouldn’t take no for a answer, sexual coercion, gas lighting, very verbally nasty to me.

Anyway, it took me (detail removed by Moderator) years to get out with my children. I left (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago. I was a broken woman, my self worth and confidence was in the gutter. I was having panic attacks, weight loss, isolated from friends, and if i did go out i was ignored for days after.

They DONT change. I gave him so so many chances, he would change for a few weeks and then it would all start again.

The only way forward is to leave and start healing and building your self worth and confidence back up. I know this is so hard to do. It took all my strength to leave, but i knew if i didn’t i probably wouldn’t be here to see another year.

LOVE DOESNT HURT, love is kind, calm, gentle

Please be kind to yourself and try and get out x*x

[Number2]

You are right. He said he will change but he hasn’t.

(detail removed by Moderator) I called him just to say I finished (detail removed by Moderator). Instead of just accepting that he asked me why I didn’t message him the moment I left (detail removed by Moderator). What does it matter whether I message immediately after (detail removed by Moderator) or call him when I am in the car driving. I think I am going crazy, he makes me think what he is saying is normal . Is it normal that I didn’t message him immediately after getting out of (detail removed by Moderator) !?

He asked me (detail removed by Moderator) if I wanted to be intimate . I said no. Instead of leaving it he asked me why. I had to explain I just don’t feel like it. He then claimed it’s because I don’t love him. Don’t find him attractive and I am angry at him. Why can’t he just accept I don’t want to be intimate.

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