He hit me

[Sad sunflower]

Left my emotionally abusive fiance a couple of months ago. A month ago he called me, sent me flowers, showed up at my house and talked me into taking him back. The first couple of days were good, but as soon as I got back to work he started getting very jealous of one of my coworkers (the one who helped me get out the first time). He would go through my phone and demanded that I stopped talking with my coworker. I did everything he asked me to but it still wasn’t enough. Last night he came over to spend the night at my flat. He didn’t flush the toilet after he used it and I politely asked him to flush it and that was it. He started yelling at me and called me names. I was so shocked and started to cry. He then made fun of me, said I always cried to manipulate him into doing what I wanted but that I wasn’t going to get my way that time. He tried to leave and I was stupid enough to ask him to stay. He kept yelling at me and when I tried to hug him in an attempt to calm him down he punched me in the arm and tried to slap me. He then pinned me against the wall and I swear to God I though he was going to kill me. When he calmed down he asked if he could spend the night and said he was leaving first thing in the morning. I wanted him to leave but at the same time was scared to lose him again. I really really wanted to make this work this time. Early in the morning he got up and demanded to see my phone and accused me of cheating on him. I stupidly tried to delete some texts from my coworker because I didn’t want him to know I was still talking with him (all texts were work-related) and when he saw those texts he lost it. I still don’t understand why but I tried to explain that I was not cheating on him and begged him to stay and he threatened to hit me harder this time if I didn’t let him leave. He left and said he never wanted to see me again. He has now blocked me on social media and I feel so miserable. How did I ever let this horrible person back into my life? Why do I feel so sad and guilty? God! I feel so stupid for hoping he will change. Why am I like this? What is wrong with me?

[KIP.]

Hi there, there is nothing wrong with you. You are being abused. Can you ring the helpline number on here for help. Abuse always gets worse and don’t think you’ve heard the last from this man. Google ‘cycle of abuse’. I would also ring the police on 101 and speak to the domestic abuse police. Report his violence to them if you can. These men play terrible mind games. They have no morals or empathy. Total no contact is the only way to get him out of your life and head. Block his numbers, emails etc. Change your number if you can. He has shown you his true colours, believe him. You did nothing wrong.

[Tiffany]

Oh god, the ‘you cry to manipulate me’ line. I thought before I came on here that it was unique to my ex. But it’s a classic emotional abusive line. You didn’t manipulate him, there is nothing wrong with you.

And it is so tempting to get back with them. Especially if they are totally reasonable seeming after you break-up. I know the classic is supposed to be that when you break up they escalate because they realise they are losing you. I don’t think my ex has accepted that entirely. I think he hopes if he is calm and reasonable he can convince me that either A. He has changed or B. I was overreacting. And after emotional abuse your head is so messed up you can believe it. You aren’t stupid for falling for it. Breaking the patterns is hard.

KIP is right, he has now shown his true colours. Try and remember them when you are tempted to contact him. I find the memories of my ex’s hands over my mouth and nose a very effective deterrent from contacting him. And as she says, think about reporting him to the police if you can.

Look after yourself.

[Dragonfly]

Sad sunflower you just wrote my story. I’m away from him now but the one thing he said to me during the attack was ‘why are you crying, Why are you holding your face…..That’s what you all do, cry’! It didn’t stop him continuing attacking me.

He is abusive. I would get into a state just like you, hugging him, begging him to calm down. He knew all my passwords, had access to my phone, keys to my flat. None were reciprocated. He was jealous of everyone I knew.

Get shot of him and don’t look back. It’s the only way x

[SunshineRainflower]

So sorry to hear you experienced this sunflower, there is nothing wrong with you. He just manipulated you back into the relationship and when you are bereft and alone and scared it’s so easy to be fooled by it because after all, we want to believe them, we don’t want to accept that they are abusive as it’s so incredibly shocking, sad and painful.

Definitely log it with the police like the others have said, and get yourself to a place of safety. Block his number, email etc and go no contact, it really is the only way. It is how i surived getting away from my ex, he would have easily manipulated me too had I picked up the phone on him as he used his voice and words to hypnotise me extremely effectively.

I had a similar ending with my ex. I was round at his house trying to resolve a relatively minor issue that had come up. Because the issue was related to his dishonesty (even though I didn’t know that at the time), he became increasingly aggressive, hostile, mocking me, using word salad, gaslighting and accused me of lying. He had a gleeful energised look in his eye like he was enjoying verbally attacking me. It was strange as I’d felt scared going round and had no idea why – my intuition picked up on the danger. He started to get more and more aggressive and threatened me, and I cowered away frightened, and then ahe accused ME of being hostile for cowering away! They always accuse us of what they are doing, because they think everyone is deceitful and rotten like them (the way we assume most people are good like us!)

They really are sadly the worst of the human race, and we deserve much, much more. It is so incredibly sad to lose the dream, but you will meet someone who treats you properly, and will be so thankful not to be with this man anymore.

Stay safe and keep posting xx

[Confused123]

Hey HUn

Sending you hug, just let himn go and dont take him back , you dont want a man like this in your life , u did it once , u can do it again, i totally understand how after the fight u was scared to get him toleave, i owuold of been same, this man will drain and drain you, get rid of him, im so glad he left and said his not coming back, block him of your mobile n*d social media too

[Author]

Posts