He is asking for character references…

[tobehappy]

What does this mean? Is he planning on going to court? He recently stopped mediation ask “they were biased”!!!! I hear from someone we both know well that he has asked her to write a letter/statement. She told me it will be honest and fair to both of us.

Has anyone been to court re child contact? Would collecting statements like these be part of it? Would this statement be acceptable in court?

Scared he will show the courts how wonderful he is!!!! He is so manipulative it is hard to explain to people. He does do stuff with the kids when they see him but it is the emotional effect he has on them that concerns me. He has good overnight contact. Works out to a couple of nights a week on average. I know he is claiming I abused him, have been violent to him and he is worried about our kids due to my violent behaviour.

Should I be worried? What can I do to help myself? I document everything. I don’t see him at all, everything is written. Please help. x

[White Rose]

Don’t worry
Its all his ongoing control and abuse and he’s doing it to frighten you so don’t show him it’s rattled you!
Keep everything logged and recorded. If court want references I’m sure they’ll ask. If he provides them then suggest to you solicitor/supporter that the validity of them is challenged by the court as they have been solicited by him.
I haven’t had court about child contact but have been on receiving end of veiled threats from him about all aspects of the legal process realting to separation/divorce/finances. I’ve needed a whole load of reassurance from solicitor/WA/this site that actually it’s all part of the abusive behaviour and to log it, save it, share it with those helping me through the process and to ride above it, and not to respond just because he’s P’d me off!
He’ll probably threaten to report you to social services at some stage too and say he’s going to send the police round. May even say he’ll report yoiu to the papers of your employers. I knew I’d done nothing wrong and was providing a loving safe home for my daughter, but it stall scared me when he said that. In the end I simply said to him I was more than happy for police and social services to be contacted if he was worried and had no issue at all, in fact if he wanted to contact them I’d be happy as it might help me. No one ever came.
Keep strong. No contact will help, it will get better – I promise xx

[tobehappy]

Thanks White Rose. Yes I have got to the point when I have told him to call social services. Like you I am now happy to show them what a good job I’m doing despite what he is throwing at me.

I guess it’s just so hard to believe that this is all to scare you. He does have quality time with the kids and I have made sure it is planned so that they have time to “recover” from contact and for me to sort any issues before they go again. He is just so manipulative. I know my kids are unaware of what he is doing because I was unaware of what he was doing to me for years. I do my best to help them to understand right and wrong behaviour and am letting them “figure it out” by themselves but they are young and it breaks my heart to think that they should have to figure it out by themselves.

I am so much stronger no but it is so disheartening to see that nothing has actually changed and we are no closer to sorting divorce, finances or kids.

I feel happier when I understand the things he does (as much as is possible). That’s why I wonder what happens in court…with character references. x

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