He is trying to get better, should I stay?

[hkaisngkq]

My boyfriend struggles with rage, I do things that make him so furious he will scream in my face, sometimes push me to the floor break things, kick me, spit on me, threaten me with further violence he has never hit me or left bruises though. He says I don’t listen and he’s not like this with anyone else so it must be me making him this way. When he’s not in these terrible moods he is great, caring, kind and a good boyfriend but I feel to survive the fits of rage ive had to stop caring for him, the other day it was really bad but he says he hates who he has become and wants to change, is it worth staying? Can people like this become better? I don’t want to give up on him if he is going through a hard time

[tryingtosleep]

Hi @hkaisngkq
I really have no idea whether it can get better.
But right now you are not safe with him.
It is not you making him behave this way. You have done nothing wrong.
He is making the choice himself to be this abusive.
If he wants to change he will make that change himself.
But none of this is your fault or your responsibility.
For your own safety please contact a domestic violence support line and get some advice on what you should do.
He is responsible for his own behaviour.
Good luck and please take care x

[Copevarde]

Hi 👋

My personal opinion is they won’t change, they only pretend to change for a period of time, and everything stays exactly the same

I am sending you love and hope and freedom

I tried the Freedom program and one of the questions was
What would your day be like of you were free from the abuse?
For me it was being able to relax, not being tormented by his severe moods and awful verbal abuse.

Here to talk and sending love

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, if you read posts on this forum you will hear about partners who are like Jekyll and Hyde..

There’s no such thing as anger issues/rage and it isn’t you who makes him abusive… that’s a choice he makes… also him saying how bad he feels is classic abuser tactics to gain sympathy and make it about them.. that’s him not taking accountability for his actions. If he hates who he is then he can get help, not from you as it’s not your responsibility but from professionals… otherwise he is just saying words without any meaning.

Living with the Dominater by Pat Craven is a good book to explain different types of abuse as well as what’s a healthy partner… I found this book really helpful.

Keeping a journal can also help and reading posts on this forum

HFH ❤️

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