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With his gambling addiction were down to me “arguing” with him. Which it were not arguing just trying to get answers….has anyone else had this?
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Hi Icandothis,
That sounds very typical of an abuser. They will blame anyone or thing other than themselves for their behaviour and it usually ends up being their partner/ex that they blame. This is him failing to take responsibility for his actions and possibly using it as a way to stop you from trying to get those answers.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Hi Icandothis,
My husband also blames me for his gambling addiction as he says its our unhappy marriage that makes him do it, (detail removed by moderator) he said if I can’t accept it then it’s game over for us. When I was moaning about it one weekend he came behind me and (detail removed by moderator) to shut me up, that was the final straw, in (detail removed by moderator) I started divorce proceedings and he still says it’s all in my head and I’m paranoid. I really feel for you, it’s just another thing that they make think is all your fault which of course it isn’t. It’s incredibly scary and difficult living with their constant lies and abuse. Please try to remind yourself it’s them not you, you deserve so much more my darling. Sending you lots of understanding and support x*x
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Icandothis, I’ve had similar – being blamed for mental health or abusive outbursts. Blame shifting seems to be such a common thing they do. My ex also used similar techniques to you Twitcher of “if you can’t accept how I am then it’s game over”. I never knew that was an abuse tactic – always thought it was because I needed to be more accepting and supportive… So pleased you have started divorce.
Ultimately, there is no excuse, is what I’m learning.
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Addiction is a nightmare. I’ve left now. Before I left he were asking my reasons etc I obviously named the gambling as one he said well what’s changed?? You knew I gambled ….as though its absolutely fine ….I would of had nothing and got nowhere with him just constantly lying about money his intentions etc said one minute I could look after the money…..then he were doing well controlling it ….then he had a relapse and he were at a low base again because of me …….on and on xxxx
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