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This week had been like an emotional roller coaster. After having some horrible memories triggered and dealing with those feelings, he now appears to have changed tactics and is being super nice to me.
He has asked me to go home. He has told me he loves and misses me and never meant to hurt me. This has been ongoing for days now, often on drop off or pick ups, and also on the phone. He keeps saying we can have our family back together and all i need to do is come home and things will be ook. He knows im not happy where i am at the moment- not cos ive told him just cos he knows me. Why am i starting to listen to him?
Its like i feel so so low at the moment that the fact that he is being nice to me is making me think maybe i was wrong and maybe things werent that bad after all. Maybe i am remembering wrong.
I feel like i am so alone at the moment and hate the fact that there is a part of me that is starting to believe him. I feel like i have no one to talk to as i just feel like i have exhausted peoples support already. It feels so lonely.
One minute i know for sure how abusive he was and the next i completely doubt myself in a blink of an eye. How can that be?
I miss my home and having my own space but then equally remember how desparate i was to get out.
Does anyone else feel any of these things or am i going completely mad?
I guess cos im feeling so down at the moment he is able to get to me more than usual -
I think sometimes that does happen if your having like a bad run of bad luck or feeling low in yourself you tend to feel overly emotional and it kinda pulls you more towards them , I really don’t know why this is , but I’ve found I’m like this also , I guess cos we feeling down , hearing all this fake love makes us feel wanted , needed a boost if you will . You know it’s a tactic so your recognising the moves , but they play with your head as they want you to think all that stuff your thinking , doubting yourself, it’s gaslighting, they use all different tactics that they think will work to lure you back into the relationship. I know how that feels when you think all my friends are fed up of hearing about this and I’m getting to sound boring asking the same questions over & over , but once again that’s what they want us to do , keep us guessing all the time , read on cycles of abuse that’s really helpful and n**********c abuse , knowledge will help you , think distance is key also to clear your mind and your start to feel better x
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Yes you are absolutely right in what you have said. I think ive been very emotional and down and lonely so as soon as he has shown an ounce of love (though i know deep down it isnt real) it’s like i just want to grab onto it.
I do feel like i drive people mad constantly needing reasurrance about the same things. It must be frustrating for them to hear me go over the same things over and over again.
I have done some reading on cycles of abuse, i eill do some more x
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Hi Shazza,
You are doubting his abuse by design. This is the restorative phase of the abuse cycle. It generates feel good hormones in the survivor (securing your trauma bonds to him).
I wish I could tell you that you were wrong about the abuse but I can’t. You were right, he was and still is abusive.
It does take time to find your way through the loneliness and the low mood. Time is a great healer and if you can hang on in there and not go back, your new life will start to unfold and you can make it whatever you want it to be.
You are never alone when you have the forum. Replies may not always come quickly but they will come. Other than 2 very lovely ladies who I have know all of my life, the forum was my greatest source of support. Everyone understands. xx
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Yes it’s cos your vulnerable and even after coming out a relationship where you were being abused by someone there’s still a grieving process to go through and it’s even harder when there’s trauma bonds, is there any way you can cut all contact with him?(it would make the process easier) so he can’t keep trying to manipulate you into going back
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I did wonder if there were children involved maybe just keep the conversations about your daughter and if he presses for other kinds like the two of you just make excuses to go (third party contact would make it easier for you) what he’s basically doing is disrespecting your boundaries and choices and making it (like all abusers about what they want) its pressurising and harassment in a way and you don’t have to put up with it, let him know you’ll discuss your daughter and nothing else 💛❣️🧡
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