He wont go to wedding and neither will Son!

[Jennaflorrie]

Hubby back….(detail removed by moderator).seemed to be getting on ok.

BUT. He isn’t coming to a family wedding. Wedding coming up shortly, I had already accepted. Hubby says he cannot get time off work. But, really he doesn’t want to go…and isn’t bothered…he doesn’t like my family and thinks they judge him.

Then…Son Apparantly, HE isn’t going to the wedding either.(detail removed by moderator)

So it looks like its just me and my D going to the wedding, which will be embarrassing.

But, knowing my h and his psychological games he will probably

Turn up on the day….and create an atmosphere.

(detail removed by moderator)Its all psychological

Feeling very frustrated.

[Jennaflorrie]

Can I also just say…..I cannot face leaving this man…..again….I left him twice but I took him back. This time he has been mostly well behaved.

Apart from last week..when he told his daughter she was a trouble maker and not very nice.

I feel like I am stuck with him….because….(detail removed by moderator)H COULD become ill, even die….because of his (health condition removed by moderator). Sometimes, he doesn’t look very well. I guess part of me pities. Him.

I would feel guilty if I left him and then he dropped down dead the following week. My S and maybe even my D would blame me…his parents would definitely hate me and blame me.

if I knew for sure that H would live another 10 years…I would leave him. But I don’t know that.
So I am in an impossible situation.

I let him back in my life though….and he wont even come to family wedding and seems to be affecting son.

[Malaya]

I think it would help for you to get yourself on a freedom programme to learn about abuse and how we are conditioned. It sounds like you are completely in the grips of emotional abuse and your thinking has been altered to tolerate/ feel sorry for/ accept his behaviour.

Separate his illness from his abusive personality. You would be leaving the abuser, not the ill maN. you say you feel sorry for him, but what about you? Don’t you feel sorry that his actions are causing you upset, embarrassment?

[Jennaflorrie]

Yes, true. I should feel sorry for myself, but I try to look at the big picture.

Update….H will be going to the wedding now. S I had to persuade…that it was the right thing. He was texting me how horrible my family were….etc..etc…sounded just like his dad…yet Son was such a lovely lad. He still is..but he has obviously been affected by living in the old town with his grandparents and part of the time with his dad.

[Malaya]

Can you and your son go out somewhere together and have a talk? It might help if you know each other is feeling. Does he realise how much abuse you get and how it affects you?

[Jennaflorrie]

I have had chats with S in the past…H used to be abusive and CHANGED….became a new man….but of course he has had various outbursts…nothing as severe as the OLD personality. S doesn’t really get on with his dad, but since my father died – H has obviously been running down my dad (who was not perfect) and my family. S seems to be siding with his dad? Or perhaps parroting what his dad has told him…telling me to see what the answer is.
I don’t want to sit my son down…and start running his father down….I could quite easily go over what his dad did…to me….to his daughter..verbal, emotional physical abuse. My S knows his dad- its just difficult to know where to go from here.

My sister says I should just tell H and S that I am NEVER going back to the old town…end of…but I don’t want to upset son any more than I have to Its all complicated.

My house hasn’t sold yet any way and probably wont till next year…..but then I will have to make a choice.

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