He won't leave me alone

[equinoxal]

We broke up (detail removed by Moderator) and have only communicated by text since then. I sent him a long message about why I didn’t want to be with him anymore but it’s like I might as well not have said anything- he just kept sending me messages about how we will both change and it’ll be better. I eventually just snapped and told him to give me some space, and, to his credit, he left me alone.

That was a (detail removed by Moderator) ago. I know he is absolutely convinced he believes we’re not really broken up and he just has to ‘win me back’- he thinks that if he gives me a few days to ‘cool off’ I will go back to him, as has often happened. So today I sent him another (what I thought would be my final) message to really try and get him to understand that it is 100% over. I wanted there to be absolutely no misunderstandings.

He will not accept that it’s over, he won’t stop messaging me and saying how NEEDS to talk to me. This is very distressing to me, I just want him to leave me alone. I want it all to be over! I don’t understand why he won’t accept it’s over?!?!? Why won’t he get the message? I can’t be any clearer. What should I do?

Edit: I made contact with him because

[KIP.]

Block his number and stay no contact. Don’t not engage. If he doesn’t get the message then you may have to involve the police. These men are most dangerous when we are trying to end a relationship so be careful and don’t be drawn into meeting him X

[equinoxal]

Kip- I know it sounds irrational and stupid but I feel bad blocking him. He keeps telling me how anxious this is making him, how sad he feels and how much he loves me etc. I worry if I blocked him it would send him into a deep depression.

[equinoxal]

Oops- that edit was supposed to say: I made contact with him because he is prone to anger when he perceives me as ignoring or avoiding him and I don’t want to deal with any more angry texts off him.

[KIP.]

Hi, you are doing exactly what he wants you to. His controlling behaviour is making you feel anxious and guilty. Making you contact him. He is responsible for his own behaviour. You are not responsible for him. He is an adult and should respect your wishes. No contact is very difficult for us because of this. Try to do it one day at a time. By contacting him or allowing contact you are prolonging things. Can you seek out your local women’s aid?. He only wants contact to change your mind X

[Racoon]

I understand your anxiety about blocking him as I felt similar. I received suicide threats and all sorts and initially found it extremely difficult to maintain no contact. He continued to ignore every request for no contact. I was unable to block him due to child together.

I would say that maintaining no contact is the best thing to do. It sends out the strongest message. If you react to anything it shows your vulnerabilities. I would recommend blocking him when you feel able to.
It’s so much easier to ignore if it doesn’t even get through.

Maybe consider writing a short letter stating that you don’t wish to be contacted and if he continues you will be forced to contact the police. It’s just an idea it may or may not be suitable for your situation.

[Lavenderlou]

Hi. When I was reading your post I thought to myself ‘have I written this post?’ My partner did exactly the same to me. I text to say it was over and explained in a really long message why and how I felt etc and I may as well not have bothered – it made no difference, he didn’t acknowledge any of the things I said or feelings I had explained. He rang and text, emailed, insisting I see him and take him back, he loved me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, wanted to care for and look after me, nurture me
. Couldn’t stand the thought of me being alone, coming home from work to an empty house, had thought of asking me to get engaged etc, etc, after a while I gave in, it seemed easier and I let him come to see me. He told me he had made my mind up for me and we were getting back together, took me straight to bed as he said that was the best way to make up…squeezed my arm until he left marks…nothing had changed I still ended up in tears I had put myself right back where I was. I waited until I knew he was busy one night and messaged him to say I couldn’t do it and wanted to end it…his reply was that he was baffled as to why I would let him go and I haven’t heard from him again!
When asked if I had blocked his number by a friend I said I couldn’t block his number because I too felt bad and didn’t want to hurt him…I had been on the receiving end of how it felt to be ignored in the evenings so didn’t want to inflict that on him…however, when I think about it properly I know he wouldn’t hesitate to ingnore or block me if he felt like it and not care about how that would hurt me.
The only advice I can truely give is to be purely selfish and think of yourself…look after you – the best thing you can do is not reply. even if you’re trying to tell him it’s over, like I was, you’re still engaging and that’s what he wants…he won’t stop until you stop. It’s extremely hard, I know that, and I’m reading a lot about trauma bonds which is helping me understand the feelings I have.
Please take care and look after your feelings and emotions
X

[KIP.]

While my ex was stalking me and trying to get me to take him back he actually was seeing another woman behind my back. Don’t believe a word he tells you. These men are lying self serving individuals.

[Nova]

Equinox it’s difficult not to be hoovered in again…as the ladies are explaining this is a TACTIC used to control You.
It’s easy for the n********t they will do Anything to keep you exactly where they want you…we have ALL been through it, we know the routine, that’s all it is…another part of their plan to get you sucked back in…
Then you will experience the same or worse than before.

Try reading some articles you will see in black & white, these ‘men’ are sick, their aim is manipulation & coercive control mainly in secret…confusing you & helping you to believe you can’t exist without them ( trauma bonding)
Love bombing is also part of the plan…feels good to be complimented etc, until they get you in their abusive grip.

I am recently out of that situ, it’s so extremely tough I could even convince myself, that he’s right & Im wrong…I have to remind myself…he was an abuser who was only looking after his own needs…he would also send endless reams of texts until it drove me stir crazy, I’d try to make a simple point, he’d treat it like a question…which it wasn’t, it was a statement, he’d literally drive me round in circles…so the original point I made was totally lost, under his layers of BS, at first I interpreted this as …he cares..then I realised bit by bit it was abusive control…mind numbing

Just try reading up about him see what conclusions you come too…it goes around & around trust us…we’ve been there.
The future is a bit tough at the beginning…but just look at the alternative!

Cx

[jsscollie]

My ex would always say we needed to talk (or rather he needed to talk to me). He’s just talk over and over incessantly by text or on the phone. He even tried it after making an (detail removed by Moderator). (detail removed by Moderator) texts and I had to call the police – don’t engage and please please don’t feel bad, put yourself first, you are allowed to say no and leave it at that x

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

Please block him , i was the same found it so hard to block him, i just put myself through emotional stress, life really got better once i was brave enough to block him, i think they know exactly why it has ended, its about control, we are telling u cause we have been through it ourselves, think about why u walk away, i had to do this daily just to stop myself answering the call, i used to delete the no staright away to prevent me calling him bk

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