He won’t let me visit family

[Robin]

It’s my (family member removed by moderator)  birthday party at the weekend, about (detail removed by moderator) miles away. I had td him I would be tataking the children to it and he said no youre not. He said that they don’t bother visiting me so why should I go there?

I know if I push it there would be a massive arguand he might say that I can take our youngest (who us (age removed by moderator) who he doesn’t want to loom after) and make me leave the eldest with him at home.

Over the last few days our relationship has improved, he hasn’t called me names and there hasn’t been much shouting. If I insist I think it will increase again.

I was thinking of saying that I’d go to this and let my family know that they would need to vusit us at Christmas.

Situation with my parents is that they don’t drive and do t gave much money. So it would be down to my brother to drive down, who also has cash flow problems.

Any advice would be gratefully received – thanks.

[Velveteenbun]

I don’t know what to advise as I a haven’t been in that situation. It sounds like he doesn’t want to go, the attention won’t be on him but nor does he want you to go without him because you know your world should revolve around what him, that part I can relate to.
I don’t know your situation and how dangerous it is so my advice I can give might not be applicable. Can you not say to him calmly but firmly that you are a family and that comes with certain obligations, he doesn’t have to come if he doesn’t want but you are going and you are taking the children. Don’t get drawn into a discussion. If he is anything like my ex he will have a mantrum and throw his toys out the pram, probably sulk and guilt you but stay strong and don’t budge.
If he does prevent you from going by some other means then make sure you are honest with your family. A mistake I made was constantly covering and making excuses as to why I couldn’t go places, when I left it was even harder to have to convince people of his beahviour because I had lied for him.
If he is violent this is probably not the best course of action. I am going on whag would have worked albeit with a lot if stress and difficulty for me.
Ring the helpline and I am sure they will give you better advice for your individual situation x x

[Robin]

Veleveteen – thank you for the guidance. He won’t come with me, he doesn’t get involved with kiddie activities and he thinks my family are s**m. I will try to hold my ground – I will definately get the man-sulks but I have told him before that I need to see my family so I need to stand up for myself and hope that he behaves like an adult. In the past I have made excuses for not going but I will tell them the real reason why this time (if it comes to it).

[Lisa]

Hi Robin,

Please do phone the helpline for some advice and support. It sounds like your partner is very much trying to control you and isolate you from your family which are textbook tactics of an abusive person. Please do be careful and get advice and support from the helpline, they will not tell you what to do but they can help you to see your options to change your situation.

We are all here for you so please keep posting.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Robin]

Massive fail. Feel totally c**p. He’s so rational – it’s such a long way for a 2 hour party, you were only there in August, you’ll go back at Christmas….

Really unhappy with self right now.

[KIP.]

Hes not rational. He is controlling and i hope you can see this. My ex isolated me from my family with his controlling behaviour. I missed out on making lovely memories. Get in touch with your local womens aid. You sound grateful for him for not swearing at you. Its twisted logic when he should never swear at you in the first place x

[Author]

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