Healing from mental trauma during No Contact…

[Healthyarchive]

I feel that I may have turned a corner today and may finally be closer to mentally letting go. I split with mentally abusive ex (removed by moderator) months ago and we have had zero contact during that time on both sides. This morning I was dangerously close to writing to him telling him that I still loved him and that I would like to give our relationship another try. I realized that there were some things about him that I had not considered before, more positive things. It got so far as i began in my mind visualizing what I would write. I realized that i had to think very carefully about this & consider what I am letting myself in for. I have had severe trauma bonding, tears, obsessive thoughts every day and painful emotions of missing him. I have really struggled and so much wanted contact, i desperately wanted him to contact me, even just to say hello. When i was thinking about the letter that i would write him I started thinking about my life overall, i am in my (removed by moderator) and if we were back together I would approach my twilight years in stark contrast to my life goals and aspirations. My passion is fitness and well being, i love being fit, able and feeling ok, I see myself at my peak of personal achievement in my twilight years, mentally, spiritually and physically. These visions that I have always had for myself would not match my life if i were with him again. my life would be depression and mental anguish, quite possibly taking 10 plus years off of my life. I believe me coming to this realization will help me to mentally let go of him. I vision myself climbing a mountain when i am in my 70s, feeling happy and at peace with my world. I would not be allowed to climb mountains with him as he has a possessive streak, he would also probably make me feel bad about myself so I wouldn’t go. XXXXX

[Serenity]

I quite believe that he would take precious years off your life. No one escapes the effects of abuse.

And as you know, when you are weak or ill, that’s when they choose to be most cruel, so your twilight years would be torturous.

Getting fit is my passion too. Healthy body. Healthy mind.

Xx

[Healthyarchive]

Thanks for your feedback Serenity. X*X

[Healthyarchive]

I have just been contacted by one of his relatives saying that they care about me. I am shaken and feel sick. I havn’t replied.

[Author]

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