Health advice needed

[Lifebegins]

Hi Ladies

The great news is that despite 3 years of post separation abuse during divorce, and complex child contact/financial arrangements (and having to self rep as had no money) I have now come through the other side. Not fully out of the woods as still have another financial matter to resolve but I’m ecstatic to get this far as I thought financial ruin was on the cards and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. Where there’s a will, there’s a way 💪🙏😀

My concern now is a health one. I’m very rarely ill but in the short time since it’s been over for this phase, instead of enjoying myself I’ve been really poorly, 2 separate issues but feeling so bad and exhausted on both occasions that I’ve had to stay in bed. Which I never do. I know I haven’t been looking after myself, I’ve definitely been overeating and hardly doing any exercise for quite some time and have been living in constant stress so look and feel bad because of this. I know what I should be doing to look after myself but I’ve no energy and not motivated. I feel a bit like I’m self sabotaging.

Not sure of where I’m going here but has anyone experienced repeated illness after it’s over and how did you recover? Also any advice on self sabotaging? I should be living my best life now but I look and feel a mess and I want to snap out of this

Thanks 🙏 xx

[minimeerkat]

hello lifebegins you have done so very very well & have every right to feel as proud of yourself as you are.
i have been severing trauma bonds, have complex-ptsd & fibromyalgia (am also agoraphobic) – all of this is how the trauma has affected me both mentally & physically. so i know maybe a tiny bit about how you feel – how can you start to feel the benefits of being out when you feel as poorly as you do?
ive heard of adrenal exhaustion, but am not sure about its symptoms. but i did wonder whether you have felt that you must keep going & going & going, to get to the other side of this one day. and this takes a lot of energy, almost like living continually on your nerves. so perhaps its very normal at the moment to start feeling ‘burnt out’ & exhausted – your body after all can only keep going like this for so long before you start to feel the effects.
(sometimes, as well when things calm down, it can be when you are no longer living on your nerves that exhaustion can hit you also).
have you thought about just having a little check up with your gp at all, just to make sure everythings ok. the thing is with having gone through these types of relationships, the severe prolonged stress & trauma can at times change things in your body, nothing really worrying – just something like thyroid function for example.
whether you feel like a visit to your gp or not, it might help in the meantime not to put yourself under too much pressure to feel ‘fantastic’. i know how hard & frustrating this can be, but if you can try not to feel stressed about feeling unwell & accept that youve been through a hell of a lot – & although you naturally want to feel on top of the world, theres no rush. youve done great x

[Lifebegins]

Hi minimeerkat

I think you’re spot on re: I’m rushing myself and I shouldn’t put pressure on myself. I think I’m just desperate to have a normal abuse free life and I feel everything should be hunky dory as I’m out for so long. And I agree that the stress might be responsible for recurring illnesses. Someone just recommended reading the Body Keeps Score which I’m going to get as it’s about how the body is affected by trauma and how to address it. I hope it helps as I really want to feel my best and be happy 😃 xx

[nbumblebee]

As you know i see a therapist for self harm and an eating issue. I also have ptsd anxiety and Rhematoid arthritis at a fairly youngish age. Why?
Stress and far too much of it.
Our brain and body is linked when we are stressed our brain tells our body and it just doesnt work as well. Theres better ways of putting it long words and stuff but basically thats it.
Your body is reacting to years of stress and abuse. Its going to take time to recover allow yourself that time sweetie.
Maybe a chat to your GP would help? You are doing amazing just give yourself time to heal x*x

[Lifebegins]

Thanks nbumblebee, I think you and minimeerkat could be right that I need to see my GP. I always feel though as I’m making a big deal of nothing when I see my GP but I am really concerned. And I definitely think these recurring illnesses are stress related. I have been living with in relationship, and post separation, abuse for decades. And now for the first time I’m feeling properly free. Thanks to you both for sharing your health concerns as it means a lot to me to know I’m not alone.

Posting on here today and reading your responses has also made me think about whether I’m actually abusing myself at the moment with overeating and not taking care of myself so I look and feel a mess. I know what I’m doing is making me feel bad but I can’t seem to stop. I’m trying to be kind to myself and think maybe I just need to do this right now but I have historical issues with weight which I had to keep under strict control with my ex and I was always called fat this that and the other by him to make me feel bad and now I am. It’s a bit crazy making in my head at the moment!!!

I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining about little stuff as I know I’m so lucky to have escaped and be almost at the end of all legal proceedings and free when others are not there yet. But it’s really important to me to be in good health and be the best I can be. I need my happy ending for me and my child 😀

Xx

[nbumblebee]

I hope i didnt sound too harsh im so sorry if I did i didnt mean to make you worry more I just wanted to be honest.
When things are bad when he is bad i punish myself by not eating or self harm for me its a punishment. Like you I know what im doing makes me feel worse weaker and i am told if i carry on my body will give up and shut down. I dont know the answer in my case as with all of this we can see others pain more clearly than our own. To me it sounds like you are doing similar yes you arw out but the hurt and pain is still there and you are being unkind to yourself. You have been so brave so wonderful to have left now you have got to allow time to heal your wounds get help you cant do this alone, talk to your gp maybe a counsellor if you can too and get some help that you really do deserve sweetie.
You really dont sound like you are complaining at all you sound like you are a brave amazing lady just trying to take foward steps and pave your way into your new life and thats ok.
Big hugs x

[Lifebegins]

Ah thanks nbumblebee. You are always so kind and giving of yourself and didn’t sound harsh at all. I’m kind of thinking out load when I post!

I have had loads of fab counselling and ongoing support from WA which has helped me identify and talk about the abuse and to cope with post separation abuse via the legal/child contact system. What I don’t think I’ve dealt with is myself, my insecurities, why I didn’t set boundaries, the long lasting effects of abuse on my personality etc. I wonder what counselling/courses there is out there to deal with this?

And you’ve really made me think when you say you don’t eat to punish yourself. Maybe I’m doing the other way round? I’m questioning my behaviour in a lot of ways at the moment.

For example, I had a lovely day out with a friend last week and we were drinking wine and she is someone who is absolutely non-judgemental and fun and I confessed to her that other than my family, she’s the only person I feel comfortable doing that with as my ex used to always make me feel like I made a fool of myself when we/I was out socialising. I used to be this fun loving, get everyone up dancing type of person and now I’m worried about what people think of me and second guessing myself so I purposely don’t socialise.

I’m now thinking this morning that perhaps I’m using overeating to make myself feel bad as I’m kind of used to feeling bad about something and that feeling is familiar to me at a time when I should be feeling really good.

There’s a lot to unpick here now I started thinking/talking about it…..thank god we have this site. It’s so good to have a safe place to talk about these things with women who understand. ❤️❤️❤️❤️Xx

[nbumblebee]

Yup I can relate 100% and maybe you are using over eating as a punishment it affects us all in different ways. My advice for what its worth go see your GP actually talking to you has promted me to do the same ive booked in with mine again to see if they can help any further i worry about pre menopuase if my body is like this now i dont wanna imagine how bad its gonna get when that hits me. So yeah book in ive written it down so i can either show him or read from my notes so i dont back down so i dont forget anything maybe you could do the same? But deffo go and have a chat get that bit sorted then you can follow with your head your worries etc.
The main thing is to be kind to yourself love the skin you are in so you can then go and live that amazing life you have ahead of you. Let us know how you get on xx

[minimeerkat]

there are certainly a few other questions here which i hope with help & support you can hopefully get to the bottom of:
theres the feeling exhausted? no energy, which could naturally lead you to want to eat to help with this.
theres the possibilty of eating (maybe too much, or the wrong type of foods?) which is then the cause of the lack of energy & motivation – especially when wanting the addictive stuff in some foods that make you feel better when feeling anxious, stressed etc.
theres the fact that your ex had some issue with your weight (control)? which then brings the possibility of you rebelling against this now.
and like you have mentioned, whether its some form of punishing yourself.
im the complete opposite, by the way (6 stone) having great difficulty eating (one of those who, when anxious or under a lot of stress just have no desire to eat at all).
i mentioned the thyroid, only because if that was ticking over as it should it can make you feel sluggish.
its so good that you have the support you have. take full advantage of this & remember dont put so much pressure on yourself either. big hug x

[minimeerkat]

p.s meant ‘wasnt’ ticking over as it should!!! x

[Lifebegins]

Hi @minimeerkat I just wrote a long response and it didn’t post 😩 I will do it again later xx

[Mellow]

I’ve been feeling the same every time a court message comes I feel like c**p what has helped is at least putting some foundation on when leaving the house and giving myself at least a glowy look.i know inside I’m feeling terrible but faking it till I’ve made it is sort of my best answer at minute.i have been a bit neglectful but I can’t fit everything in since I am a single mum which I’m guessing you are I’ve also moved house which I’m constantly critical of how it looks which stops me wanting to even leave the house and when I do I criticise how I look it never ends.you have come so far already we just want to be over this chapter I know the feeling it helped me getting support from my g.p and getting medication from them too

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