Hello!

[MovingForwardCat]

Hi everyone,

I have recently come out of a narcissitic relationship. He was emotionally abusive and incredibly controlling.

I left him and the police are involved, they are still looking for him.

How are they still looking for him when I know where he is?

Also, how does everybody cope with no contact? I dying to get in touch with him and tell him how much I love him?!

Thanks everyone!

[Darcy]

Hi Beautiful Angel… Movingforwardcat,
This period is crucial for you to stay strong, I am sure many of the women on here will agree that it is so easy to be tempted back… I myself went back so I know how difficult it is to stay strong
The focus has to be on you now… You You You!
Get yourself strong, small steps and be very kind to yourself but it can be done and you can break this cycle
This is not a man you want to go back to, you left for a reason
Pull in support, whether it be family, friends or the ladies on this forum
Also google some info on emotional abuse, this will help you understand the pattern and for you to know its not you, its the nature of this ‘type’ of man
As for the police, from my experience they were not much help, and I hate to post that on here as I don’t want to put anyone off seeking help. However it made me realise the only person who could really ‘save’ and help me was me and that gave me an inner strength which lead me to leave
Keep posting and stay connected
Sending you love and support
Darcy xx

[Cocktails3]

I know exactly how you feel as I find it like a compulsion that is so hard to break. I get back in touch every time and nothing ever changes. I am trying again to maintain no contact so am sending you power to do the same.

[Lisa]

Hi MovingForwardCat,

Welcome to the forum.
It’s normal to be experiencing a sense of longing or wanting him back, but as Darcy explained, this is a very important time for you to focus on your well-being and to remember that you left the relationship for good reason. We understand it can be very difficult to leave abusive relationships and on average can take a woman 6 times to leave permanently.
Having the right level of support is crucial right now. Talking to your local domestic abuse service may be ideal right now, as they can offer both emotional and practical help. They will understand the challenges you are facing. Use them on-going, as you need.
Also, it may be useful to understand the dynamics and affects of domestic abuse and talk through this with others. The Freedom Programme is an 11 or 12 week rolling programme which provides information about male violence to women. This programme identifies the tactics abusers use, the beliefs held by abusers, and the effects that domestic abuse can have on women and children. The Freedom Programme is for women who have experience of domestic abuse, be it in their personal or professional lives. You can start the programme at any time, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you choose. Each session is entirely confidential, and you can contribute as much, or as little, of your own thoughts and experiences as you like. Many women find this a very useful support group as it is available to women whether they are experiencing current or past abuse. The Freedom Programme is run in many locations across the UK. You can also do an online course if this suits you more.
Do keep posting to learn how so many other women here have worked through similar circumstances. You are not alone in this.
Take care,

Lisa

[Lifebegins]

Hi MovingForwardCat,

Well done on getting out of the relationship and going to the police. Both are extremely hard to do. When I finally went to the police (the last and final time I left) I found them to be very supportive and they helped me to engage with different services who gave me support and that helped me stay out. I wish I’d gone to police years earlier.

The other big factor in not returning for me was going no contact. That meant no checking on social media too – I deactivated my accounts in case I couldn’t be trusted. And no checking in with his family or friends. Complete contact blackout. It’s sounds harsh but you need time to clear your head. We are conditioned for years for them to be our only focus, at detriment to ourselves, so you can’t just flip a switch overnight and they’re out of your head. The longer you go no contact the easier it gets though. I posted on here loads and did a ton of reading on the subject of abuse to try and understand it and make sense of it. There isn’t any sense really. They choose to behave in that way and use various techniques to keep us hooked to them. That is not love. I also had counselling which was life changing for me.

The good news is that awful need to get in contact does pass. I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do less now than see or talk to him.

I know it’s really really hard but you’re doing great. Stay strong 💪 xx

[Author]

Posts