Hello hath no fury….

[Anonymous]

Like a woman scored 😠….. any tips or suggestions on revenge would be gratefully received. HG Tudor has a book called Revenge which has useful snippets but a lot of contact is needed. Success is the best form of revenge but this wouldn’t, necessarily affect him directly & he might not know.

[KIP.]

It depends on your perspective of revenge which changed over time for me. Initially i was too scared to even contemplate revenge I just wanted him to leave me alone. Then I decided to report him and hold him accountable as much as I could. The trouble is we don’t see the consequences although he very much does when authorities are involved. Now after quite some time my absolute best revenge is what WA told me in the beginning. No contact and making a success and thriving in my own life. I think wanting revenge shows we are still trapped and hooked into the abuse. The further down the line you get, the easier it is to see that it’s pity he needs and revenge will come in the form or Karma. These men will never be happy, they just don’t know how X.

[Serenity]

The best revenge is to get to the place where you actually don’t care what he thinks.

My ex was trying all kinds of psychological abuse after he left, because he knew I cared what he thought of me and he knew he could affect/ hurt me.

I have never been one for saying things I don’t mean. He knows this. One day, midst abuse, I sent him a solitary text which said that I didn’t care what he thought of me anymore. He fell silent. At this point, he knew he’d lost. He knew I just didn’t care any more. He had no hold over me.

Sometimes, people say things to me like “Oo yes, get really fit and do your hair nicely: hopefully you’ll bump into him and he’ll see what he’s missing.” But to me, this is still entrapment. I would rather get fit and do my hair for me, to feel more confident in myself.

I couldn’t care too hoots if he saw me looked luscious or if he saw me in baggy old joggers. Because he’s nothing to me. I am only trying to feel from the effects. I feel nothing for him. He’s about as important to me as thecoistnan. In fact, less so.

I remember once at court, there was a break in proceedings for lunch. There was nowhere for me to sit alone, as everyone had gone and there were no side rooms open. I was in the big waiting room, and he walked in a planted himself half way across the room, adjacent, so he could see my face.

I just flicked through magazines nonchalantly and didn’t even register his presence. It wasn’t put on, it was genuine. This man who I sacrificed so much for meant nothing. He was about as important to me as one of the court clerks. In fact, less. At least those clerks were likely half-decent people!

Real psychological freedom is not caring.

[Serenity]

I mean I am trying to heal from the effects

He’s about as important to me as the postman- or less so

[Healthyarchive]

Dear ladies, thank you so much for your feedback. I am slowly coming to realize what I have actually been involved with, it hasn’t hit me as much before, and i feel really angry. He took me for a complete fool, him and his friends and some family members, i was used, abused and ridiculed, I am so angry and want revenge. I started to put this into practice today but a part of me felt sad when i was doing that. I dont want to ruin him like that. Also I have removed myself quite a lot from the web of deceit as a result of No Contact, to then see his name, address and think of him in detail is keeping me attached and involved. At least I am free now and have my life which is blossoming more each day. Him and his cronies are left with their moral less lives, more than likely hoodwinking some other poor lady.

[Serenity]

I think anger is very healthy. A friend told me, you know you’re getting better when you feel angry.

What’s important is channelling it in the best way x*x

[Ayanna]

I agree with Serenity.
We need to look after ourselves and find ways to heal. Our energy should be focused on our own needs.
Revenge takes a lot of energy away from us, it can be a frustrating process, it can go wrong, it can make things worse.

A while ago I saw a report from the USA, how a woman took revenge on her cheating husband. She cooked him burgers that were made from spiced dogsh.., which she had collected from the street. He allegedly eat the meal and she watched and encouraged him and asked how he liked it.

I never had the energy to think of revenge. This energy just does not exist in me.
I try to build my life, that demands a lot of energy.
I hope that I will completely forget that he ever existed one day.

[Healthyarchive]

Thank you for your feedback Ayanna. I liked the burger story. I havn’t completely abandoned the idea of taking it further but as awful as it sounds I do not want to damage him or bring him down. Also it will keep the relationship more at the forefront of my mind when with NContact it reduces. X

[KIP.]

Something serenity mentioned. For quite some time after he was arrested I made an effort in how I dressed, make up etc when I went out in case I bumped into him. It’s only recently that I have confidence to go out and not care. Even when I was to appear in court I wanted to look good. Now I don’t care how he sees me either. Another hook removed and it’s a big one for me. Maybe it stems from the love bombing complimenting me making me feel great stage. He approached me outside the witness room and his face showed nothing but hate. I could have been naked and he would never notice the person I am and the hurt he’s caused, he’s too consumed by his own delusion.

[Author]

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