Hello! I think I’m at the end…

[PhoenixBlue]

Hello, I’ve been with my partner for  (detail removed by moderator) almost. We have 4 small children between us. Things have been amazing, until we experiences issues like every couple with life and then the drinking increased and the arguments started. At first I would try and look after and comfort him.
Then after some time into our relationship, about half way he started to vent his frustrations out on me.
He’s never hit me, he has got in my face, slammed doors, shouted over our baby (detail removed by moderator), smashed a glass object next to me, and worst of all he has involved my oldest child in some of the arguments.

We have split up on and off when these arguments happen. (Detail removed by moderator) and he woke up in a bad mood, and for me it tarnished it.

The arguments go for hours, we don’t get anywhere. He can’t accept any fault for anything, even when I caught him drinking and hiding it from me he said it was my fault. Like smashing the glass he also blamed that on me for pushing his buttons

I feel like as soon as I try and help him with his drinking he immediately belittles me and likes to take it out on me!!

I’m fed up of everything being spoilt with this episodes. And I feel sorry for my children and what I’ve put them through.

I’m not perfect I had an affair last year which doesn’t help anything. And it’s constantly brought up.

I think I’m about ready to end our marriage, but I’m going to miss the Man I love. The happy man I fell in love with, however I just can’t take the mr. Hyde anymore.

[lover of no contact]

Welcome PhoenixBlue to the Forum,

Keep posting and reading the other ladies posts and you will gain the strength to leave your abusive relationship. Have you read the book ‘why does he do that? Getting inside the minds of angry and controlling men’. You will see your partner’s behaviours within the pages of those book and will realize they will never change. He knows what he is doing when he
-gets in your face, slams doors, smashes objects around you, influences your child to join him and do the same, has mood swings, argues over nothing for the sake of it and belittles you. Its all done purposely to instill fear in you. For you to change your behaviour to work hard to keep him happy. He knows what he is doing and he gets off on seeing your fear, he gets a high (feels he’s in control) when he sees your worry, distress and upset. BTW, hard to believe but he doesn’t care about the children being upset with his shouting, moods, etc. He likes them being upset because he knows that will upset you. You are dealing with a sick personality here. He has no empathy. He only has care and concern for himself.

Actually he’s not very original. My abuser ex husband carried out the same behaviours. They are all very similar.

Also google ‘The Cycle of Abuse’ and google ‘Power and Control’. You will see their behaviour is nasty/nice, nasty/nice. The nice bits (the nice man) are that part of his personality he uses to keep you in the relationship. It is not really nice, it is manipulative. It gives us hope that the relationship will be normal when it never will be.

He would have ‘love-bombed’ (groomed), (charmed) you in the beginning of the relationship and that’s what you miss the ‘love-bombing’. We have all felt like you do but you will move past all the stages of letting go of your abusive relationship if you keep reaching out for support and sharing your thoughts and feelings on here with us.

[lover of no contact]

The book ‘Why does he do that is by Lundy Bancroft’

[betterdays]

Hi Phoenix blue. Also another book by pat craven called living with the dominator. It’s fantastic xx

[PhoenixBlue]

Thank you

I’m just struggling to manage without him. He says he just needs more time to sort his alcohol problem out and time to get over the affair.
But it’s (removed by moderator), and I feel that if he was going to change, it would have been when he was crying the morning after he’d smashed a glass object next to me and my oldest daughter heard. All I ask is that he spares the children from the arguing and the adult content of the conversations, but instead he uses that as power over me to keep me in the argument which goes on for hours.

[betterdays]

Hi Phoenixblue. I seperated almost (removed by moderator) now. We’re with him nearly (removed by moderator) and the tines he had said he were getting help and never did. It’s all lies just to keep u trapped innate dysfunctional relationship. It really is a tough road i wish I’d of done it years ago. But try contacting women’s aid. These monsters don’t change there a living hell. Don’t waste your life on him love. Xxxx

[Healthyarchive]

Dear PhoenixBlue, this forum has a wealth of expertise, advice, knowledge & experience, do keep posting your thoughts and reading & researching. I split from my abusive ex some months back now, without this forum I would have gone back crawling & begging someone who treated me awfully. You will regain your self worth, self esteem and positivity via here. You might like these free to read short books on Amazon, all books written by HG Tudor on n********m. X*X

The women on here are at different stages, some in, some out, some long out and some just getting involved with someone showing red flags. You will discover the advice and information which resonates so perfectly with your situation. X*X

[PhoenixBlue]

Thank you, yes I will read. I know and can see he is a n********t because he has no understanding of what he did wrong. He never apologises or feels bad for what he’s done. And if I bring it up he fires into me rather than change or own up to his wrong doing.

I see that now, but at the same time I love the man I know he can be. And he knows how to play me. I’m trying to write my dissertation for uni and I’m also working full time, I can do without his distractions and tantrums.
X X

[Healthyarchive]

Serenity may be able tao help you with some study tips as she was studying whilst trying to cope with her n********t x

[PhoenixBlue]

Ok thank you. I really appreciate it x

[Author]

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