Hello im new

[Alabaloo]

Hi,im new& just coming to terms with all my abuse from the age of (detail removed by Moderator).
Never ever spoke of it before so itll be a first.
I’m trying to face it all now im in my (detail removed by Moderator) and may need help.Thankyou

[Millionpieces]

Hi Alabaloo,

Welcome to the forum, we all finding it hard to talk about it. We only able to make sense the abuse when we had enough and some people takes decades to able to give up.
From my experience this forum given me so much strength to face my problem. I feel this ladies understand how I feel, how broken my heart and realise I deserve better. Please tell us what you’ve been through and lift your burden.

X
MP

[Alabaloo]

X i will

[Anonymous]

Hi alabaloo

Welcome to the forum .
Iam the same as you ive veen abused early on in my childhood too . Ive never had counciling ive always been so strong . As i was told i have never accepted the abuse . Us women are too vunerable to our monsters.. tell us your story we all here to help each other x

[Alabaloo]

Early age abused pregnant lost it
My mother was violent too.
I stayed with this peado for (detail removed by Moderator)yrs he abused me sexually battered me,i ran away from home at (detail removed by Moderator) to be with him&he was a decade plus older
I found the courage to leave after umpteen abortions he didnt want children unyet he raped me.
Finally i had 2 children with a man he turned out to be a gambler so i left with my kids &started aftesh new job bought a house&then i met a strong tough man and i thought hes the one to look after me noooo was i wrong &ive been married to him decades he doesnt hit me but hes mentally abusive.
Oh my for (detail removed by Moderator)yrs i took to booze it nearly killed me.
We had more children together all grown up now&left cos they cant stand him &his aggressive ways.
This what im writing is a fraction of whats gone off 17pregnancies ectopic that nrly killed me,ive been through the mill
Only just realised how bad my life was
Until recently

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome. What a terrible time you’ve had. Now that you’ve found the courage to post on here. Do you think you could seek councelling either through your GP. Or ring the helpline number on here? Abusers thrive on our silence. Once I rang the police and spoke up, I felt better. People were so nice and totally believed me. He had told me for years nobody would believe me x

[Alabaloo]

I dont think i can open this up to anyone,i run a big business it would affect alot.
The man that abused me as a child i still see himn he married a woman not too far away
He feels no remorse i can see it &i just feel it must have been me i blame myself
My only concern is things have changed,i ho to bed have nightmares about being abused&then i wake up thinking it wasnt so bad
My head brain is a mess

[Alabaloo]

I cant tell the doctors they are not interested in anything pretty useless here & ringing a helpline its just too late isnt it

[Alabaloo]

Ive always been able to cope to put it to the back of my mind but it doesnt seem possible anymore &i have no idea why

[SilkyHalide]

Hi Ala
Look on line and see if there are any charities near you who specifically councell survivors of sexual violence. They can help you work through all the distress you are suffering so you can start to move on and take care of yourself emotionally.

[KIP.]

You are traumatised. No one would be able to cope with what youve been through. It must stirr horrific memories seing you abuser. I suffered from nightmares too. Perhaps try your local womens aid. I rang the rape crisis helpline. They were great. Perhaps you could get private councelling? You need help to get through this. Find out about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Alot of abused women suffer from this.

[Alabaloo]

Wow i never new about the post traumatic stress
I just guess ive kept it hidden for so long maybe now its just come to a head.
Thankyou for all your help x

[Alabaloo]

Maybe karma did play a part though as my abuser has a disease and is wheelchair bound
I have never wished bad on anyone but he got his rewards &it wasn’t from me.

[Ayanna]

Hi Alabaloo, welcome here.
Karma is good sometimes.
Are you still with the abuser?
When we suffer a lot of abuse we cannot cope with it forever. You have been incredibly strong to deal with all that on your own for so long.
Your brain probably tells you now that it is enough and you need to make some changes.
How is the relationship to your children? Are they supportive of you?

[Serenity]

Hi Alabaloo,

We can only stuff our hurt and pain down for so long. At some point, we need to deal with it, and it is best to do so in a supportive environment. You’ve experienced horrific abuse and skewing to a trained DV counsellor might best.

Speaking to someone initially at Eomen’s Aid might help you to see things objectively and might help you feel validated enough to take action. X

[Alabaloo]

Not with the original abuser of beating rape etc but i married a nan the same he diesnt hit me but mentally over the yrs its been shocking and yes still with him,my children do know how he is they hate him& have all left bar1.
He says its his nature he cant help himself,on the good side money wise hes not selfish he has always provided well he doesnt go out boozing or gambling or smoke,he is unbelievably arrogant pigheaded and shouts alot.
(detail removed by Moderator)
Awful thoughts but his mental abuse turned me nutty,i suppose at that point i understood how women could kill their husbands.

[Serenity]

Hi Alabaloo,

We can only push our hurt and pain down for so long. At some point, we need to deal with it, and it is best to do so in a supportive environment. You’ve experienced horrific abuse and skewing to a trained DV counsellor might best.

Speaking to someone initially at Women’s Aid might help you to see things objectively and help you feel validated enough to take further action. X

[Alabaloo]

Oh &the worst part i found he kept me starved for (detail removed by Moderator)yrs he like me skinny women with long hair otherwise he said he was going to run off
Nrly (detail removed by Moderator) i ate and this is gods honest truth nothing but apples &bran to keep me at (detail removed by Moderator)stone.
No wonder i have (detail removed by Moderator) disease now&am quite poorly my liver didnt fair too well either after (detail removed by Moderator)yrs of binge drinking.
On the bright side i am at the gym an hr a day it is my new salvation&away from him

[Smiles]

Hi,

I am new on here also.
I split up with my ex in December and he is in prison due to the physical abuse in our relationship. He was also mentally and psychologically abuse towards me.
He is still trying to contact me through friends and I have ignored him since December. It is becoming so draining and it is all I can ever think about. At the same time I love hearing how much he is missing me!
Any techniques that can help me?!! I like reading other people’s stories it really helps me

Thanks.

[Author]

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