Hello new here and confused.

[AutumnLattes]

Hi all I’m new here and I think looking for somewhere to make sense of things. I separated from my husband (detail removed by moderator) It was a relationship with incredible highs and lows which is making me question if what I experienced was abuse.
He had quite the temper and would result in calling me names and belittling me and in general being aggressive. He wasn’t physically aggressive to me a lot but did scare and intimidate me. I think after these months apart I’m questioning it as no one else sees him like that and I think maybe I’m just crazy and making it up. I know that sounds stupid, he tells me it’s nothing like I remember it, so I question myself a lot. He would organise everything in our life, so I was so used to running everything past him as I didn’t want to cause any extra fuss. So now I need to make all the decisions for myself and our children, I’m finding it very daunting. I’m constantly worrying I’m getting it wrong as he would point that out a lot and it would make him angry.
I keep questioning if I should take him back as he is so better at handling things than me. We were together for so long, all my adult life, I don’t know anything different and I’m scared that I’m gonna feel this confused forever.

[Copevarde]

Hi Autumn Lattes

Please please please please believe in Yourself . You have endured awful times and you have survived. You have the freedom now to go anywhere and do anything

I feel exactly the same at times except I did everything in the relationship but he told me I’m mentally ill, I can’t cope etc.

He is gaslighting you and over time this gets etched in our brains.

I promise you there is nothing you can’t do and you will get through this.

I hope I’m not coming across too strong but I just wanted to emphasise that your feelings are valid but if you are being unkind to yourself it is because of the abuse.

Sending so much love to you and your kids xxxxx

[Mellow]

I can relate since I left I have a lot of memory loss and hard managing things especially money and bills but I did push myself I have children he helped with a bit of that but not much but he constantly told me I couldn’t cope alone but I proved him wrong I stopped asking for help as he was using it against me and to exert control we were separated so I didn’t want this and I started to feel like he didn’t want his kids just me if we made arrangements I bought a diary it helped a little but not much i also worry I’m overeactng but know I wouldn’t have left if I was

[StrongLife]

I understand what you are writing.

I too had difficulty after leaving because I had not done that before. With time it becomes easier to manage everything. Money, kids, things along the way.

They say anything and everything to effect your self esteem.

[Author]

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