Hello – scared

[Bucketlid]

Hello,

I’m so scared being here but Thankyou for allowing me to join.
I’m disabled due to (detail removed by Moderator) and it leaving me with (detail removed by Moderator) injuries that are just getting worse over time. My husband is supposed to be my carer but doesn’t even know my meds.
The reason I’ve joined is that (detail removed by Moderator) I said a sentence to my (detail removed by Moderator)yr old daughter that I instantly regretted as soon as I said it (detail removed by Moderator). She got upset, told him, he took her out of school to his family in (detail removed by Moderator) and blamed me.
My depression is ruling me at the moment. I’ve been on antidepressants since (detail removed by Moderator) when he punched me in the (detail removed by Moderator), sending me to the floor next to my daughter. He said I need to stop bringing it up as it was over (detail removed by Moderator) years ago. But I can’t, some days it’s all I think about but then I can go months just living with it.
I’ve spoken to my GP and to get on a stronger, newer tablet I need to reduce this one which is what I’m doing and it feels like I’m drowning. We have no savings so have to continue to live under the same roof. He also set up a company whilst we were married and remortgaged the house to buy his business partner out. I’m also an employee of the company (detail removed by Moderator). So when the divorce is done I will have no home, no income and I don’t know who will take on a disabled person who cannot stand for long without being in excruciating pain who has to work from home.
I’m sorry I’ve written so much.

[Eyesopening]

I’m sorry about what your dealing with.
First thing I would say is to get advice from your local Domestic Abuse services. Womens aid can advice you on who they are and they also may be able to give advice on some things.
Are you married? Then you are entitled to half of everthing and wont be left with nothing.
Companies have a duty to accomidate for employees needs and to work from home is more commonplace now so try not to worry about that ontop of everything else. I know its hard, but one battle at a time. Its so dounting leaving an abuser. We need to take babysteps. First step for example, getting advice, second step, safety planning, ect ect. Write it all down, I wrote lists on my phone Notes which I could lock.
Journelling may help also to get it out down.
Keep posting
x*x

[Wants To Help]

Hi bucketlid,

Please don’t be scared about being here, this isn’t a scary place at all 🙂

There are a lot of difficulties going on in your life at this time that are intertwined and I understand how hard and hopeless this may feel at the moment, but just deal with one problem bit by bit.

Firstly, there will be concerns raised that your husband has decided to take your daughter out of school on a whim and uproot her to another country. Have you had any contact with her since she was taken? Have you established whether she has been taken long term or short term? Have you raised your concerns with her school? Are the school aware of your disability and the DA at home?

If your husband is your carer and you have been abandoned by him you can call Adult Social Care and explain to them what has happened. This will also trigger some safeguarding concerns that your ‘carer’ has just upped and left you and left you vulnerable.

Separating/divorcing may bring some financial benefits that you were not entitled to before. Make enquiries for what you may be able to get help with such as DLA or PIP, Attendance Allowance etc.

One thing that really stood out to me from your post is your end concern – who will want to take someone on who is disabled? You really need to focus on how well you can learn to live independently without ANY man in your life, we really don’t need a partner to thrive. Our partner should complement our lives, not complicate them. So many of us, whether we have a disability or not, are too focused on our concerns about being on our own and we think it is better to be with someone who abuses us than no one at all. I used to be worried about being on my own and I put up with far too much abuse along the way believing that being with someone was better than being with no-one. I was so wrong. I’ve been on my own now and a single parent for many years and I’m doing better than ever.

xx

[Bucketlid]

He brought her back on (detail removed by Moderator) and whatever he’s said to her has changed her. I’ve been her primary care giver since birth, he’s the one who comes in, pays for anything and everything. I’ve informed the school she was taken without my consent and that we are now separated.

My health is in serious decline since we first got together. I’ve had two (detail removed by Moderator) surgeries and I’m facing a nerve block and a third operation. Because of the constant pain I’m in, my mental health is through the floor and all I seem to do at the moment is cry. I’m stronger than this usually but my pain, health and depression are ruling me at the moment. I’m sick of not being able to stand up for more than a few mins without it feeling like broken glass in my (detail removed by Moderator).

How am I going to get a job being this broken?0

[Author]

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