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Hey Ladies
I told him I wanted out. He has been at home throughout lockdown (although working) while I am furloughed with the kids. General pain in the a**.
Offered him deposit and help to get out but he just wouldn’t shift.
Got solicitor involved and went for an occupation order citing his drinking, nastiness and occasional aggression. It was adjourned on the grounds covid made it tough for him to get out. I am due back to work (detail removed by moderator) for the first time and he had always said he would have the kids on my nightshifts.
He is now saying if I leave them with him to work I prove I lied – I didn’t! But is saying he can’t and won’t have the kids as I have said he is unfit to parent.
I didn’t I just said he needs to address his drinking and not run off with them (there is also a prohibited steps order in place stopping him from vanishing with them as he did that to an ex) and a childrens act order that will be reviewed (detail removed by moderator) but for now says the kids are to remain at my property.
Help!
If I go to work can he use this against me? We need the money as he isn’t paying anything more than (detail removed by moderator) a month (detail removed by moderator). I am paying rent, mortgage (shared ownership house) food, etc etc.
If he insists he won’t have them or goes out obviously I will call in (my boss is aware of the situation) but isn’t this just more evidence of coercive control?!
I had a single person in my “bubble” ready to night sit the kids but they won’t do that while dipstick is on the sofa in his pants… -
Call your solicitor now, ok? And yes absolute evidence of more coercive control. Not ok.
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Hi Purplehedgehog,
I’m finding it quite shocking the amount of Occupation Orders that are not being granted due to it making an abuser homeless. They are there to protect people, so if someone is made homeless because they are violent then that’s their tough luck!
But when it comes to Family Court, I’m afraid this situation may actually go in his favour if you do leave the kids with him whilst you go to work. If your fear is that he is not fit to parent due to alcohol issues, aggression and that he may flee with the children, then technically, you are proving that by leaving the children with him overnight then you do not see him as too much of a risk to run off with them or be incapable of seeing to their needs as they arise. It could be viewed that he is only a risk to them when it suits you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but the Family Courts are tough.
I understand how important it is for you to return to work and that child care is hard to come by, especially for a night shift, but if you do have serious concerns about his ability to care for the children then you really can’t leave them with him.
During my Family Court procedures I had a Temporary Residency Order for my son with my ex having contact at set times. On a few occasions I let my ex have our son on Father’s Day and his (the ex’s) birthday as I thought it was the ‘right thing to do’. There was also a time when I was very poorly and had to phone my ex at work and ask him to have our son for a few days whilst I recovered. My ex used these ‘extra’ days of contact outside the Court Order as ‘evidence’ that I could not cope with a child alone and that is why he was applying for Full Residency. My Solicitor rang me and asked if I’d allowed this extra contact and when I explained I had and why, she told me it absolutely had to stop and there should be no contact at all outside the order, otherwise, it would indeed be viewed negatively on me. A few months later I was really poorly again and was having to consider my son going in to foster care for a week whilst I recovered as I had no one to care for him. I was appalled that the system thought this was a better alternative than going to his Dad just to protect my best interests at court. Thankfully, some friends stepped in and took care of him, but I had no idea how tough the Family Courts were.
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