Here I am once again…

[Drainedallthetime]

So here I find myself again, but what’s changed? Just the fact I’ve allowed myself to fall back into his trap after falling pregnant. I had gotten so close to the finish line and had made so much progress who would have known I’d end up back in this position, but this time with 2 of his kids. I feel so frustrated and annoyed at myself for allowing him to put his hands on me again. After having our first son I said to myself I wouldn’t allow this a second time round and here I am crossing my own boundaries for what? I guess this is just a rant now that I find myself back at square 1, I had my phone in my hand, the numbers dialed in, all I had to do was press one more button an it could have been over but of course I didn’t do that.

I’ve been on here before but this was over a year ago and as mentioned I made so much progress, completely changed my mindset on things, educated myself, spoke up to others and made subtle changes that has had huge impacts on me mentally but I had to go and get pregnant. The worse part is our intimacy was never there because I wanted it to be but simply because of the constant pressure of him asking and pushing. I just don’t know what to do anymore….

Does anyone else have any thoughts on how i can get myself back to where I was this time last year, on the path to freedom.

[Lisa]

Hi Drainedallthetime,

Thank you for your post, I’m sorry to hear about your situation.

Abusive men can be very manipulative- they know exactly what buttons to press, what our triggers are and target women when they let their guard down.

You mentioned being frustrated and annoyed at yourself- it sounds like you are carrying a lot of responsbility for someone elses actions. You also mentioned the pressure from him and that is not okay.

You may want to contact Rape Crisis around what happened. They are a national organisation that operate local centres for women who have experienced rape or sexual abuse. They are now contactable via their 24-hr helpline on 0808 500 2222; they also have a live chat service (available Mon-Fri) through their website.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Author]

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